What happens after

I’m sitting here looking at pictures of bridal bouquets and trying to decide about the wording of wedding announcements. With one short conversation over IM, our wedding planning went from slow and leisurely to fast forward speed. Our daughter and her love have set a wedding date at last, and it’s one month from now. ONE MONTH!

Fortunately, they have declared the theme of this wedding to be “simple and easy,” and have only invited 40-ish people to share their day with them. (22 of those people are their immediate families.)We don’t have time for custom anything.    There’s not a lot of time for people to get their feelings hurt or for this to blossom into a nuptial extravaganza.

My husband and I have been put in charge of her flowers (the only flowers they will have besides the spring flowers growing at their venue,) the wedding cake (100 cupcakes from her favorite bakery,) and the announcements to be sent out later. It’s not a lot to focus on right now, but I’m throwing myself into this tiny to-do list with enthusiasm.

I used to wonder how mothers-of-the-bride could so completely take over their daughters’ weddings, but right about now, I wish we had a big wedding for me to micro-manage. I’m wishing for tiny details and feats of daring-do. I can’t help but think how nice it would be to have all of that minutiae to pour my energy into so that I didn’t have to look to what happens after their wedding day.

Because after they’re married, she leaves.

Her fiance is about to be commissioned as a Second Lieutenant in the Army, and she’s going to be a military wife. We’re waiting for his orders to arrive any day now, but we already know that there aren’t any Army bases anywhere near us. I don’t know if y’all realize this, but “not anywhere near us” is kind of far away.

I’m not ready for her to go.

She’s 21 now, and we’d made it past the teenage years when we weren’t so sure that we were going to end up liking each other. Then suddenly, we liked each other again, and then it seemed like maybe were were going to get to be mother/daughter and maybe friends.

I was getting used to seeing her smiling face around here again, and it was pretty great.

But there’s this boy….okay, he’s actually become a man…which is weird because he’s been her friend since she was 12 or 13. He was this nerdy goof, and next thing we knew they were adults and he was becoming a part of our family. (He might need a prayer or three, if I’m absolutely honest.)

We were planning a wedding!!! And it was fun and hopeful and then it hit me…

she’s leaving.

We raised her for this, of course. There was no time in her life that we wanted her to be thirty, single, and still living at home. We wanted her to grow up, fall in love, get married, and build her own wonderful and exciting life.

She’s doing exactly what she’s supposed to be doing. She’s a great person, and we are beyond proud….

but it’s hard to watch her go.

Which is why we need a WEDDING!!!!

Or at least I do. I need the distraction. I need a big wedding, and to be the nightmare Mother of the Bride. I need to obsess about pointless details like the stitching on the napkins and whether or not the florist’s centerpieces are the exact perfect shades of blush and bashful! I need to expend all of this emotion in a whirlwind of busy-ness.

Anything to avoid thinking about what happens after the wedding.

Because I’m just not ready to think about that today.


photo sourse? Pinterest

About Rebecca Frech

Rebecca Frech is a Catholic author, speaker, CrossFit coach, and the Managing Editor of The Catholic Conspiracy website. She is the author of the best-selling books Teaching in Your Tiara: A Homeschooling Book for the Rest of Us and Can We Be Friends? She is a co-host of the popular podcast The Visitation Project, and is a columnist for The National Catholic Register. She and her husband live just outside Dallas with their eight children, a German Shepherd named Dave, and an ever-multiplying family of dust-bunnies.
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2 Responses to What happens after

  1. Clare says:

    I’m a couple years older than your daughter, but we had a very similar wedding 2 years ago! About 75 attendees, flowers only for me and my MoH, 100 tiny cheesecakes plus a big cheesecake that I made by hand for us to slice. We were totally relaxed through the whole process and it was 100% the right decision for us, but I think my mom was on your side… I’m her only daughter and she would have preferred a blowout 🙂

    Side note: if the venue isn’t familiar to you, don’t take the church’s word for it that they have a “great organ.” Our organist friend got there the day-of and discovered that the pedals didn’t work. At all. So we had bass-less music (which perhaps bugged nobody but me and the organist).

    Side note 2: quadruple-check the program proofs for typos!!! Get 3 or 4 independent pairs of eyes looking over those babies. We got a discount at the printer thanks to a friend, but printing them was still pricey and somehow all of us missed a MAJOR mistake.

  2. Rosemary says:

    Rebecca!!! Congratulations! I’ve been reading your blog for years, I cant believe she’s getting married!
    Look at you, all grown up :).

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