PARISH REPORT: Hipster Caught Adding Gift Tags to Parish ‘Giving Tree’, Asking for Beer

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ACMPress – PORTLAND – Surveillance cameras at Our Lady of Unfailing Hops recorded a parishioner hanging his own gift tags onto the parish’s Giving Tree in the gathering space over a three day period during the first week of Advent. The Giving Tree, erected each Advent, is covered with tags labeled with age ranges, genders and gift suggestions for less fortunate members of the parish and community.

“We located and confronted the suspect after the 11:00 AM Mass last Sunday,” head usher Al Brewer told ACMPress, “and he confessed to placing tags on the tree after showing him the footage.”

According to Brewer, the man – identified as Phil Snurr – hung hand-written tags requesting craft beer, beard balm products, and Pink Himalayan salt. The tags were labeled “Single Hipster Male”.

“We made him remove every tag he put on the tree,” Brewer said. “We also found five gifts under the tree addressed to “Single Hipster Male”. We haven’t decided whether we’ll give them to him, or distribute them to needier hipsters in the parish.”

Fr. M. Eric Cannlogger, pastor of Our Lady of Unfailing Hops, told ACMPress that, while he disapproved of Snurr’s actions, he was grateful at least one hipster still attended Mass.

Photo credit: “KIUKO” on Visual Hunt / CC BY-ND

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About Larry Denninger

After writing at “Acts of the Apostasy” for more than 10 years under a pseudonym, Larry decided it was time to go public, and launch a brand new blog. It will probably backfire horribly. Which means you will want to follow and witness the impending trainwreck. He resides in Michigan.





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