I think that today just might be the first time I will find a way to convince you.
For years, you mistook my complaints for lack of affection. But I was never really upset with you.
It’s just my nature.
Yes, there were many nights that I kept you awake. The middle of the night has always been a time when I finally feel safe enough to release some of the anxiety that’s built up during the day.
And the times when I lashed out out you – seemingly for no reason and right when we were enjoying some peace together – well, that too is just part of who I am. I think you may get that after all of these years together.
Know that I’ve always respected you. For your kindness, your firmness, your willingness to sacrifice for me. I am grateful for all you’ve done. And on some level, I really do think I can grow to love you as much as you love me. Just give it some time.
But I hope that you won’t try to reach out to me right now. At least not until I tell you that it’s ok. And even then I reserve the right to suddenly reject you.
For now, let me just seat here beside you.
Who knows, I may not really be ignoring you after all?
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