Okay, so let me tell you about Denis. He was so cool he didn’t even need the other “n” in his name. Why you ask? Because he, like me, didn’t know how to shut up.
It was the third century, and he was a Bishop at the time. He was sent by Pope Fabian to help the community of the Church of Gaul as it was being persecuted by Emperor Decius. he and his missionaries, his sweet talkers in other words, were so good at what they did that people of non-Roman Catholic religions were afraid they’d lose their people. The second some people converted, they were all “Oh crap! Becky’s hanging out with that Denis guy and his friends, and Becky knows all the cool kids! I have to tell someone.”
A while later Denis was arrested and put in jail because it’s rude to steal friends even though he was clearly asking nicely. After his time in prison, he was sent to be beheaded with two of his bros because best friends don’t let each other lose their heads alone. From how the tale is told, he was preaching all the way up to his beheading. But that’s not the best part, God at this point was all “Wow, rude. didn’t your mother tell you it’s not cool to interrupt?” and decided to scare the living daylights out the executioners. Once his head had hit the ground, Denis calmly picked it up and kept preaching like nothing had happened. He carried it for ten freaking miles all the way to the Benedictine abbey that he founded, talking the whole time, and then he finally dropped dead.
image credit: Jean Bourdichon [Public domain or Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons