(AoftheANews) – SAN JOSE – Beginning next Sunday, those attending Mass at Our Lady of Perpetual Groove will have the option of receiving Holy Communion in ‘Blessing-Free’ Express Lanes.
“We’re constantly seeking ways to enhance our parishioners’ Mass experience,” Holly Yoolyah, the parish Director of Hospitality, told AoftheA News. “Some of our members told us that they desired faster communion times, so this improvement is in direct response to their needs. To make them feel happier and more welcome.”
To accommodate these parishioners, EMHC’s will be stationed in the narthex at the exit doors, so that people can receive Holy Communion and then immediately leave the Church. Signs will be posted that no blessings will be given in these lanes.
“Why should we ask people who are in a hurry to leave Mass, to stand in slow moving communion lanes, make their way slowly towards the altar, wait for kids to get their blessings, or get stuck behind a shuffler or person using a walker?” Holly said. “That’s being insensitive to their needs. These express lanes will create a more loving, friendly, open environment for those people who need to be the first people out of the parking lot.”
Several parishioners told AoftheA News that they intend to use the express communion lanes next week.
“Yeah, I’m looking forward to them,” said one man. “It’s gonna save me a good five, six minutes.”
“I’m not sure how they intend to enforce the no blessing bit,” another man told AoftheA News. “What if an entire family wants to use the express lane, then what? They might need to set up a ‘Blessing Only’ Express Communion Lane, if you ask me.”
“It’s like anything new,” one woman said. “It’ll be, like, great at first, but then like everyone will be doing it, and then communion will take, like, forEVER, putting us right back where we started.”
Image created via Road Traffic Signs