Category Archives: Satire

PARISH REPORT: Area Man Denied Communion for Public Fashion Sins

(AoftheANews) – NEW YORK – Area resident Eddy Bower told AoftheA News that he was humiliated at the 10:00 AM Mass this past Sunday for “committing the very public fashion sin of wearing plaid shorts, dark socks, and sandals” while … Continue reading

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Anglicans Introduce New Lace Vestments for Casual Low Mass

(AoftheANews)– Canterbury – Church of England officials told AoftheA News this morning that they will be introducing a “casual Low Mass” in select churches this summer, in an effort to bring millennials and the younger generation back to the Churches. “We’ve … Continue reading

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Marble Pulpit Excited over Reunion with Altar Rail, Statues Held in Storage

The marble pulpit at Ss. Tarek & Christina expressed excitement yesterday after being informed he was headed for storage in the Church’s basement, as part of the sanctuary’s ongoing renovation project. “I’m looking forward to being reunited with my pals, the altar rail … Continue reading

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PARISH REPORT: Starting Lector Pulled After 1st Reading for Rookie Reliever

(AoftheANews) – COOPERSTOWN – Parishioners of Our Lady of Intentional Walks were surprised when the veteran starting lector, Rhonda Horne, was pulled after the First Reading during Sunday’s 10:30 AM Mass, and relieved by rookie Juan Hetter. “I didn’t want … Continue reading

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