Category Archives: Satire

PARISH REPORT: Pastor Sells Ad Space on His Vestments to Fund Parish Project

(AoftheANews) – KANSAS CITY – Fr. Mark Ahting, pastor of Our Lady of Good Bargains, signed advertising contracts with several major US Catholic publications and groups in an effort to raise funds to improve their parish labyrinth. Starting next Sunday, … Continue reading

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PARISH REPORT: Cantor Glares Severely at Man not Singing Responsorial Psalm

(AoftheANews) – NEW HAVEN – Cantor Harriet I. Ball shot an icy look at a parishioner during the Responsorial Psalm at the 10:30 AM Mass on Sunday, according to several eyewitnesses. “At first I thought she was shooting daggers at … Continue reading

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PARISH REPORT: Church Adds ‘Blessing-Free’ Express Communion Lanes

(AoftheANews) – SAN JOSE – Beginning next Sunday, those attending Mass at Our Lady of Perpetual Groove will have the option of receiving Holy Communion in ‘Blessing-Free’ Express Lanes. “We’re constantly seeking ways to enhance our parishioners’ Mass experience,” Holly … Continue reading

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PARISH REPORT: Local KofC Chapter Unveils New Fourth Degree Uniform

(AoftheANews) – PEORIA – Local Knights of Columbus Chapter 247 unveiled their revised design of the uniform and regalia for fourth degree knights, effective immediately. Instead of the familiar capes, chapeaus, and swords, members will be wearing chain shirts covered … Continue reading

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