PARISH REPORT: Ice Cream Social Turns Rough When Fat-free Yogurt Is Served

(AoftheANews) – BURLINGTON – Families of St. Baskins & Robbins parish were outraged last Saturday night when fat-free yogurt was served at their school’s annual Ice Cream Social. Styrofoam bowls and plastic spoons were strewn about, and globs of the frozen fakery lay in half-melted puddles on the school gymnasium floor. Many parents demanded a refund, and witnesses reported that numerous children were inconsolable, repeatedly asking why there was no real ice cream.

“This is an outrage!” one mother told AoftheA News. “It’s bad enough the Sunday homilies are watered down and flavorless; does the ice cream have to be as well?”

Organizers for the event said that they got a “fantastic deal” on bulk fat-free yogurt, and saved hundreds of dollars. They didn’t realize the change was going to cause this much of a backlash.

“If we had known, we would have done things differently,” one organizer said, requesting anonymity. “But still, getting worked up and upset isn’t the solution. If they piled on more toppings, like fruit, sprinkles, and chocolate syrup, they’d hardly notice the difference.”

One father, with tearful children in tow, said he now understood how Jesus felt upon seeing the moneychangers in the temple. “I’m ready to flip some tables,” he told AoftheA News. “That’s how angry I am.”

“It’s a scandal that of all places, a Catholic school would serve food that is an abomination before our Lord,” one woman complained. “Maybe a Methodist school, but certainly not here!”

Several organizers confided that next year’s social will feature actual ice cream, but if they see good deals on generic whipped cream or carob chips, they’re jumping on them.

Photo by chelle_1278 on / CC BY-ND

About Larry D

LarryD has been blogging since March 2008, making observations on trends within the culture and the Church. His goal? Poking hornets nests with a stick and injecting humor into the New Evangelization, with the gentle reminder that everyone's taking themselves way too seriously. He currently resides in Michigan.
This entry was posted in AoftheA News Desk, Humor, News That Could Be True, Parish Report, Satire. Bookmark the permalink.