PARISH REPORT: Hipster Caught Adding Gift Tags to Parish ‘Giving Tree’, Asking for Beer

(AoftheANews) – PORTLAND – Surveillance cameras at Our Lady of Unfailing Hops recorded a parishioner hanging his own gift tags onto the parish’s Giving Tree in the gathering space over a three day period during the first week of Advent. The Giving Tree is erected each Advent, and hung with tags labeled with age ranges, genders and gift suggestions for needy members of the parish and community.

“We located and confronted the suspect after the 11:00 AM Mass last Sunday,” head usher Hugh Jiweener told AoftheA News, “and he confessed to placing tags on the tree after we showed the footage to him.”

According to Jiweener, the man – identified as Phil Snurr – hung hand-written tags requesting craft beer, beard balm products, and Pink Himalayan salt. The tags were labeled “Single Hipster Male”.

“We made him remove all the tags he put on the tree,” Jiweener said. “We also found five gifts under the tree addressed to “Single Hipster Male”. We haven’t decided if we’ll give them to him, or distribute them to needier hipsters in the parish.”

Fr. M. Eric Cannlogger, pastor of Our Lady of Unfailing Hops, told AoftheA News, that while he disapproved of Snurr’s actions, he was grateful at least one hipster still attended Mass.

Photo by caitriana on Visual Hunt / CC BY-SA

About Larry D

LarryD has been blogging since March 2008, making observations on trends within the culture and the Church. His goal? Poking hornets nests with a stick and injecting humor into the New Evangelization, with the gentle reminder that everyone's taking themselves way too seriously. He currently resides in Michigan.
This entry was posted in AoftheA News Desk, Humor, News That Could Be True, Parish Report, Parody, Satire. Bookmark the permalink.