PARISH REPORT: Regular Weekday Mass-Goers Wary of 64-Year-Old Newcomer

(AoftheANews) – ADRIAN – Several parishioners, who attend the 7:30 AM weekday Mass daily, met in the town square this morning to air their concerns over a newcomer spotted in attendance.

“Never seen her before,” Sal Buckerson, 82, said, tapping his cane nervously on the cobblestones. “Young ‘un, by the look of her. Can’t be older than sixty-five. Gots all her own teeth, by the looks of it.”

“Did you hear her sing?” his wife Beatrice, 80, added. “In key. I don’t like her.”

“She responded without using them translation cards, too,” 84-year-old Joey Mancuso said. “Said ‘And with your spirit’ clear as a bell, like she had it mesmerized or somthin’. Show off.”

“I don’t trust her,” Wally Cantunkerman, 88, warbled. “Didja see how she sat in ol’ man Masterston’s pew? Like she owned it, she did.”

Petey Arnery, 83, placed a shaky hand on Wally’s shoulder. “Ol’ man Masterston died four years ago, Wally.”

“Well I know that, dang gum it!” Wally told him. “But it’s the principle! That’s the problem with the youth today. No respect! Who do these strangers think they are, comin’ to our Mass and makin’ themselves at home?”

“What do we do if she shows up tomorrow?” Beatrice asked. “You ‘member that homily where Father said we should be welcoming, like hospital bulls?”

Sal shook his head. “I been in every hospital in this town, and I ain’t never seen no bulls. But I s’pose we can at least say hello after Mass.”

“If we can keep up with her,” Petey said. “I bet her hips and knees are original.”

Photo credit: pedrosimoes7 via Visual Hunt / CC BY

About Larry D

LarryD has been blogging since March 2008, making observations on trends within the culture and the Church. His goal? Poking hornets nests with a stick and injecting humor into the New Evangelization, with the gentle reminder that everyone’s taking themselves way too seriously. He currently resides in Michigan.

This entry was posted in AoftheA News Desk, Humor, News That Could Be True, Parish Report, Satire. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to PARISH REPORT: Regular Weekday Mass-Goers Wary of 64-Year-Old Newcomer

  1. Franklin P. Uroda says:

    What do think? Will Jesus chuck these fish go into the bucket, or will they get thrown out?

Comments are closed.