Anglicans Introduce New Lace Vestments for Casual Low Mass

(AoftheANews)– Canterbury – Church of England officials told AoftheA News this morning that they will be introducing a “casual Low Mass” in select churches this summer, in an effort to bring millennials and the younger generation back to the Churches.

“We’ve already chosen acolyte and sacristan vestments for the Casual LM™,” one official said. “We’re totes excited about the roll-out, which takes the formality of worship and mixes it with the impulse of hip, bold fashion statements. It combines sanctity and spontaneity, and makes what we like to call sanctineity!”

Models displayed the new vestments, sans shirts, for the scheduled press conference.

“We’re still working on the final designs for tank top chasubles and short sleeve, bare midriff surplices,” the official explained. “We want our servers and priests to appear holy, yet approachable. We want their vestments to say ‘Hey, just because I’m on the altar preaching to you about following your conscience, doesn’t mean I’m not a fun, with it person!'”

Another official told AoftheA News that the Casual LM™ was the result of a year long synod on ways to increase attendance. “We’ve tried watering down the preaching, making Jesus more accessible, and playing catchy Christian music during service. It finally dawned on us that youth were staying away because we weren’t woke on the hottest fashion trends. We’re super confident this is going to work miracles.”

Image via Sparkiebabyofficial

About Larry D

LarryD has been blogging since March 2008, making observations on trends within the culture and the Church. His goal? Poking hornets nests with a stick and injecting humor into the New Evangelization, with the gentle reminder that everyone’s taking themselves way too seriously. He currently resides in Michigan.

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3 Responses to Anglicans Introduce New Lace Vestments for Casual Low Mass

  1. David O'Neill says:

    Sorry but I feel this is too important to joke about!

  2. Robert Simms says:

    Nothing is too important to joke about.

  3. David G Smith says:

    1st thought: Not even the Anglicans should have to endure this.
    2nd thought: Imagining Ecumenical Patriarch Bertholomew wearing these.
    3rd thought: I should do penance for those other thoughts.

Comments are closed.