BREAKING! Vatican Considers Hosting Flat Earth Theory Synod in 2018

Representation of “spherical” Earth

(AoftheANews) – VATICAN CITY – Unconfirmed reports from the Eternal City indicate that the Pontifical Academy of Sciences is close to announcing a Flat Earth Theory Synod for some time in 2018.

According to the AoftheA News Vatican Bureau, two anonymous Academy sources have alluded to plans for an upcoming synod to explore the scientific theories and framework contending that the Earth is flat. “Flat Earth” theories have been in the news as of late, most recently when former NBA star Shaquille O’Neal stated during his podcast that he agrees with current NBA Cleveland Cavalier Kyrie Irving that the Earth is not a sphere, saying “It’s true. The Earth is flat.” Many Flat Earthers contend that the “spherical Earth conspiracy” has been promulgated by Freemasons, Zionists, NASA, the Illuminati, perhaps alien lizard people, and maybe even greedy capitalist globe manufacturers.

One source told AoftheA News that the Holy Father is allegedly adamant that the Vatican host the synod. “He wants to do for science and astronomy what he’s done for the family and marriage. It’s time to dialogue on this extremely important issue, and to demonstrate to people from across the flat, spherical disc that the Catholic Church is not afraid – and has never been afraid – to discuss serious scientific theories. Or unserious ones, whichever the case may be.”

Some of the topics being considered for debate and exploration are “The Great Antarctic Ice Wall”, “Does ‘Gravity’ Really Exist?”, and “Wholly Water – Finding Its Level on Any Surface”.

“Despite the fact that Pythagoras, Aristotle, Ptolemy, and countless brilliant thinkers throughout the centuries all believed the Earth was round,” the second source told AoftheA News, “and that the modern Flat Earth theory was developed in the mid 1800’s by Englishman Samuel Rowbotham, we feel this synod is a significant gesture of open-mindedness and invitation to free thought. Let the facts and evidence speak for itself. It’s not for us to say the Flat Earthers are wrong or crazy. Who are we to judge, anyway?”

Several Flat Earth groups have not yet responded to AoftheA News inquiries about the proposed synod. We doubt they’ll ever get around to it.

Photo credit: Kevin M. Gill via / CC BY-SA

About Larry D

LarryD has been blogging since March 2008, making observations on trends within the culture and the Church. His goal? Poking hornets nests with a stick and injecting humor into the New Evangelization, with the gentle reminder that everyone's taking themselves way too seriously. He currently resides in Michigan.
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