Translating The Catholycs For Choice Press Release

After Pope Benedict surprised the world Monday by announcing his resignation effective 2/28, the political action group Catholycs For Choice issued a press release.  Now, it’s your standard boilerplate, but I thought it’d be fun to translate it from Catholycese into normal English.  Let’s go!

“It will be nothing short of a miracle if the next papal conclave produces a good leader,” said Jon O’Brien, president of Catholics for Choice. “Pope Benedict XVI and John Paul II stacked the College of Cardinals with ultraconservatives. This means that it is highly likely that they will elect somebody very like them.

Translation:  “I’m a jerk,” said Jon O’Brien, president of Catholycs for Choice.  “And I hated everything Pope Benedict XVI and John Paul II ever did.  Unfortunately, the next pope is going to be Catholic.”

“The Catholic church and the 1.2 billion Catholics worldwide would like a pope who better reflects the way that they live their faith. We want a pope who understands the needs of Catholics—and the rest of the world—today. He would be a leader with a vision, one that Catholics and all the world’s citizens so desperately need.

Translation:  “My group, and the world, doesn’t want a Catholic pope.  It’s time for a non-Catholic one.”

“Instead, we are likely to get a leader who runs the Vatican as it has been run for the past few decades—a business-as-usual leader, who will continue to condemn contraception, abortion, LGBT individuals and all those who support them. We expect another pontiff who gives no backing for policymakers who rightfully serve all their constituents equally and do not feel compelled to enshrine Catholic teachings into civil codes. It would be refreshing if we moved away from the culture of impunity that has not held bishops to account for shielding sex-abusing priests, but I do not hold out much hope for that, either.

Translation:  “If we get a Catholic pope, we’re going to do everything in our power to undermine him and those who support him.  Because like I said earlier, I’m a jerk.”

“It is, however, reassuring that the pope has taken the mature decision to resign. While Benedict has not gone against the grain during his papacy, the fact that he is the first pope in 600 years to choose to leave office is perhaps a sign of a maturing approach to governance.”

Translation:  “It’s too bad Benedict didn’t resign earlier, or just die.  But this is better than nothing, I suppose.”

There you go – the thing to remember with these people, is that they use no subtlety, no reflection, no humility.  They are as transparent as glass.  Unfortunately, because so many Catholics are poorly catechized, the things they say sound reasonable and seem sensible.  Well, so did the serpent in Eden, and we know where that got us.

Once you boil away the rhetoric, and strip away the puffery, you’re left with lies.  Pure and simple.

And here’s the funniest thing of all: no one is stopping any of them from sinning all they want!  Not a single person, least of all the Pope.  How is the Holy Father actually stopping anybody?  All he’s doing is safeguarding the deposit of Faith – safeguarding it from harridans and charlatans such as these people.  And that’s what angers them and fuels their rage.  Bottom line, they have free will, they have a conscience (what’s left of it anyway), and all the ability to slap on those condoms, or pop those birth control pills, or attend their Aunt Mabel’s fauxrdination, or celebrate Adam & Steve’s “wedding”, or drive their daughter to get their grandchild aborted.  Even if they get ex-communicated, they’re not made to wear a red “E”, or forced to sit in the back couple pews, or anything.  No priest stops them from receiving the sacraments.  No Swiss Guard patrols the prophylactic aisle at the drugstore.  No one is stopping them.  Nobody.

Except their innate sense of right and wrong, of Good and Evil, pricks them constantly.  But rather than change their lives by eliminating the sin, they want certain behaviors no longer called sins, and thus remain in their sinful ways, thinking they’ve won.  They call it “advancement” or “enlightenment”, or “human progress” – just fancy names for pride.  They say we’ve outgrown the idea that masturbation is a sin, or that homosexual activity is evil – even abortion is called “choice”.  They say the Church really has no right to be involved in the public square or politics – unless the political issue is one they (the Catholycs for Choice crowd) support.

So they’ve made the choice to sin – big whoop.  People do that every single minute of every single day.  It’s the sane and sensible people – the ones who rely on God and His grace – who recognize that changing the definitions doesn’t change the reality.  It’s obvious these people are neither sane nor sensible – that just because a majority of Catholics think birth control is okay, or premarital sex is fine, doesn’t make it so.  A sane and sensible person seeks Truth for its own sake, not create truths to satisfy their appetite or desires.  It means they’re on the wide path (in those particular areas of their lives, at least), and they want no one to tell them it’s the wrong path.  Not only do they want their ideas tolerated, they want them accepted.  And once they gain acceptance, they will seek dominance.  There is no compromise with sin and evil, which is why the Holy Father will never give in to such demands.

Why?  Because the Holy Father loves them as persons too much to disobey Christ, and risk theirs and his salvation.  It’s because he knows that giving in to their license will rob them of their freedom.  It has always been that way.

It’s ironic that they imagine the Pope is forcing them to behave in certain ways, yet they feel no compunction whatsoever in attempting to force the Church to accommodate their behaviors.

About Larry D

LarryD has been blogging since March 2008, making observations on trends within the culture and the Church. His goal? Poking hornets nests with a stick and injecting humor into the New Evangelization, with the gentle reminder that everyone's taking themselves way too seriously. He currently resides in Michigan.
This entry was posted in Catholycs, Catholycs For Choice, Pope Benedict XVI, Progressive-speak, What's Really Being Said. Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to Translating The Catholycs For Choice Press Release

  1. Adrienne says:

    Wow, Larry. Off the grid in the truth department. So very well and completely said that it’s impossible to leave a comment. There’s just nothing left to say. 🙂

  2. Linda says:

    This was so fantastic. First I laughed with tears then just said amen amen!

  3. Mike Malone says:

    Amazingly perceptive argument. What I don’t get is why these people persist in trying to change the truth. Why don’t they just get on their bikes and peddle over to the nearest protestant faith community that believes has they do? Nope….for what-ever-reason they continue to demand that the Catholic Church conform to their relativistic needs. Ain’t gonna happen….truth does not change with culture. These people need to get a clue. Perhaps if they understood the basis for Church teachings they would come to their senses….nawwwwww! Wishful thinking on my part. If they had any sense they would not have left the Church in the first place.

    • donbtex says:

      Just like the nuns on a bus and the LCWR folks, these people “want” the Catholic identity to think they have any standing – if they go to the nearest protestant faith community they just blend in and no one cares what they think.
      As you so rightly noted “If they had any sense…”

  4. al007italia says:

    Great explanation of what they really are saying. This release shows exactly why the next Pope will be just what they don’t want, an authentic Catholic, unlike what they are.

  5. Karyn says:

    Some of those comments made me think that they see the Church as the same as our government or a corporation. I have to say I love the reference to the 1.2 billion Catholics. They seem to think all of them think the same way they do. As Americans we tend to get tunnel vision, thinking the faith is thought of exactly as we do all around the world. There are parts of the world where it’s much more mainstream to be Orthodox. I think if we did treat it like a government and had those 1.2 billion vote on women’s ordination, contraception, gay marriage and the like, the majority would be against and would support Catholic teaching. What would they say then?

  6. Pat says:

    I don’t understand catholycese, so I hear is “blah, blah, blah, whine,whine, whine.”. Thank you for your expert transation.

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  10. Nice work Larry, your famous!

    This is great stuff.

  11. NickD says:

    I hope it isn’t a sin to laugh while wearing ashes… 😛

  12. Bob the Ape says:

    That’s a grand slam right out of the ballpark!

  13. Anonymous says:

    Anti-Catholics against the Holy Spirit choosing another Catholic pope?

  14. amanda says:

    I keep hearing Shea say “you MUST approve” of their choices.

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