Be Of Good Cheer: Pastor Brings In Cheerleaders For Mass

(AoftheAP)  Go to any high school football or basketball game, and one thing you can count on witnessing is the troupe of cheerleaders – supporting the home team with exuberant cheers, and generating fan excitement with chants of “Go Team Go!”, and acrobatic flips, tosses and balancing acts.

And now members of St. Bacchanalia in Rogers City MI get to witness them too – before, during and after Mass, thanks to their new pastor, Fr Cale S. Thennick.

“Sure, having cheerleaders during Mass might be a bit unorthodox,” Fr Cale told AoftheA News, “but let’s remember – the Mass is about being joyful, about participating, about getting excited that we’re in the presence of the Lord.  These cheerleaders – and I prefer to call them GIRMnasts, by the way – have done just that.

“Since adding the GIRMnasts, Mass attendance has increased by 20%. The Music Director has noticed that people are singing more.  And over a dozen people told me they came back because the local non-denominational church they had been attending was boring by comparison. Which means we’re doing something right.”

The GIRMnasts – all girls, most of whom attend the local Catholic high school – have been assisting at Sunday masses the past four weeks, and for the most part, the parishioners have accepted them.

St Bacchanalia GIRMnasts line up outside church to greet incoming parishioners

St Bacchanalia GIRMnasts line up outside church to greet incoming parishioners

“They’ve helped me to focus on what’s going on,” said parishioner Errol Battiks. “Like just after the Holy Holy Holy bit, the cheerleaders shout out ‘2-4-6-8, time to transubstantiate!’ Gets me psyched up.”

Summer Sault, a mother of four, likes the addition.  “I haven’t had to nag my sons to come to Mass since Fr Cale started this.”

Not everyone has been happy with the GIRMnasts, though, and Fr Cale recognizes that.  “I’ve had few complaints, ranging from ‘cartwheels in the sanctuary don’t look all that safe’, to ‘too many backflips during the processional’, to ‘you only have girls – why are you discriminating against the boys?’.  That’s why I have set aside one Sunday mass as non-Girmnastic, for the people who have problems with them.”

Fr Cale has instructed the parish council to come up with ideas for a parish mascot, as well.

“Might help increase tithing,” he said. “Never know until you try.”

About Larry D

LarryD has been blogging since March 2008, making observations on trends within the culture and the Church. His goal? Poking hornets nests with a stick and injecting humor into the New Evangelization, with the gentle reminder that everyone's taking themselves way too seriously. He currently resides in Michigan.
This entry was posted in Humor, News That Could Be True, Satire. Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Be Of Good Cheer: Pastor Brings In Cheerleaders For Mass

  1. Sherry says:

    To prevent damage to non GIRMnasts wanting to participate, the youth director is establishing the Flag Corp and SKS Pep squad (Stand, Kneel, Sit), open to all who express an interest in uniquely expressing themselves. Mass isn’t just for the popular and beautiful, it’s for the wallflowers and nerds too. Role playing all nighter retreats where kids can play any of the saints or martyrs as they navigate persecution, misunderstanding and heresy is also being discussed, complete with pizza.

  2. Sherry says:

    left out the words self esteem after GIRMnasts. Must be my own lack of self worth.

  3. mary . says:

    disgraceful!!! it is not about entertainment! it is about worshiping our Lord…how protestant can he get!!! it will backfire!!!!

  4. Adrienne says:

    ’2-4-6-8, time to transubstantiate!’


  5. Joe Mulvihill says:

    That’s bringing them in today and yes, that’s good …. but will they still be coming to Mass when the Non-denominational Church down the street introduces Liturgical Pole Dancing during its services???

  6. Tunces says:

    I get the feeling Mary didn’t read the tags. Just a hunch.

  7. al007italia says:

    The story you have just read is true, the names have been changed to protect the guilty.
    Doing my best to not ROTFLOL at the library. It may be another of your inimitable parodies, but it could very well be true.

  8. Tom Perna says:

    AoftheA strikes again!

  9. GP says:

    Extreme liturgical abuse and misuse!! Has the (Arch)Bishop been notified?!? I think this pastor has watched too many re-runs of “Sister Act”!!!

  10. ben kulp says:

    Howdy Doody Time again kids ……….. Yayyyyyyyyyy .! Look ! Is that Fr.Cale ? Or Buffalo Bob ,,,,,,Yayyyyyyyyyyy .!

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  12. Tish Morgna says:

    Please don’t give the loons any ideas!

Comments are closed.