Bishops, Blorg Meet To Determine Course Of Catholic Blogging

(AoftheAP) On Sunday, November 11, two dozen US Catholic bishops and roughly fifty Blorg representatives and media members convened in Baltimore prior to the start of the USCCB Fall General Assembly, to discuss the intersection of evangelization and the New Media. The symposium, titled “An Encounter With Social Media: Bishops and Bloggers Dialogue”, lasted for three hours, and concluded with a surprise announcement.

“The USCCB, in conjunction with the Blorg, will be accepting applications to the newly formed Bloginary that will open in the Spring of 2013,” a spokesman told AoftheA News. “Think of it as a seminary for bloggers, where they will receive training, formation and instruction concerning proper protocols for context, blockquoting, hyperlinking and comment moderation.”

According to unconfirmed reports, the initial class will have slots for 25 bloggers. It is believed that once any programming bugs have been corrected, and final source coding has been completed, absorption of the remaining 3,000+ Catholic bloggers will commence without haste.

Blorg 13 of 29, who blogs at Delta QuadRantings, is looking forward to the Bloginary.

“We are pleased that the Bishops have agreed to our plan. When we informed them that resistance…um, to the use of New Media, that is…was futile, they surrendered…er, agreed rather quickly.”

13 of 29’s Blorg-mate 1 of 1, whose blog “The Collective Collection” reigns supreme among the Blorg, concurred. “All your blogz r belong to us…soon,” she said.  “Let me rephrase that,” she added hastily. “The establishment of the Bloginary is in no way an indication that we intend to assimilate all of Catholic blogdom…for now.  Our primary objective is to assist the bishops in dictating…I mean, guiding other Catholic bloggers to learn best practices and such.”

Some bloggers fear that the Bloginary will lead to a homogenization of the Catholic blogosphere, and a suppression of personality and free will, but Blorg 6 of 29, who blogs at “Feast Of The Assimilation”, disagreed. “Catholic bloggers routinely declare that they are not homophobes, so they should not fear homogenization, should there be any, which there won’t be, because you can trust us. Our primary objective is to ensure that their blogs don’t suck.”

Discussion panel, featuring Blorg 13 of 29 (left) and Blorg 1 of 1 (right), announcing new Bloginary.

A spokesman for the USCCB, speaking on the condition of anonymity, told AoftheA News the Bloginary won’t confer any canonical status upon its “graduates”. “Rather, it will just ensure against future bloggers saying anything negative about the bishops or other Blorg members.”

Blorg 13 of 29 agreed with that assessment. “And I am looking forward to assimilating…excuse me, I mean instructing that wiener Axe of the Apothecary, or whatever he calls himself, on proper Christian Internet conduct.”

About Larry D

LarryD has been blogging since March 2008, making observations on trends within the culture and the Church. His goal? Poking hornets nests with a stick and injecting humor into the New Evangelization, with the gentle reminder that everyone's taking themselves way too seriously. He currently resides in Michigan.
This entry was posted in All The World's A Blog And We Are Merely Posters, Catholic Bloggers, Humor, News That Could Be True, Satire, The Blorg, USCCB. Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Bishops, Blorg Meet To Determine Course Of Catholic Blogging

  1. The last thing we need is the bishops controlling Catholic blogs. Given the fact that many of our dear bishops are pushing social(ist) justice nonsense, we need to keep the blogs out of their borgy hands so we can get this collective mentality erased from the Catholic Church in America.

    • terry nelson says:

      Hear, hear! The statement reminds me of M. Angelica when the bishops threatened her – she said she’d rather blow up EWTN.

    • Grey Bear says:

      Amen to that ! The USCCB was started by modernist-heretics & it has no authority other than in its own mind. All the problems the Church has endured in the USA can be laid at the feet of these deviates, many are still in positions causing trouble, such as the recent CRS scandal & their arrogant refusal to eliminate the corrupt CCHD collection.

  2. terry nelson says:

    Really funny post BTW, Larry.

  3. Pat says:

    You are keeping me sane.

  4. Adrienne says:

    Too funny…

    I understand Patheos was very well represented at the conference.

  5. Archdeaconsmiter says:

    Those who resist the Blorg merely show how necessary it is to the success of the New Assim… I mean New Evangelization. Once the automated content monitors are fully deployed, clergy bloggers will be restored to their rightful pla… ahem, will be better able to exemplify and, as it were, sanctify the Blorgosphere. Or cube, if you insist. In the meantime, targeting solu… that is, targeted negotiations will continue.

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  7. al007italia says:

    Larry, The only thing that kept me from ROTFLOL in the library was how huge a kernel of truth is contained in it. I couldn’t help but think about how the religious leaders in the Old Testament did their best to shut up the true prophets or how the Apostles were treated by the Sanhedren in Acts.

  8. Pretty funny, Larry. Though my personal reaction was more along the lines of, “We Ents have agreed . . . bloggers are not Orcs. . . . Now, to discuss the next question we must consider . . ..”

    [And defense of the blorg, to whom I’ve been only very poorly assimilated . . . lotta those blorgers are doing the same work you are. I wouldn’t say the cath-blorgers are a hugs-and-sweetnes bunch, when it comes to putting up with anti-Catholic nonsense within the ranks. I mean sheesh, they’ve let Jeff Miller turn up. That’s not exactly bishop-coddling.]

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