#WYD2016 – Brace Yourselves

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World Youth Day 2016 officially starts Tuesday July 25 in Krakow, Poland. Thousands of pilgrims have been entering the city the past couple days, and thousands more will be arriving between now and Tuesday. Everybody’s got opinions about it – a mix of favorable and unfavorable. There are definite Debbie Downers out there, for example, who think it’s more debauchery and irreverence than a celebration of grace and virtue. I think World Youth Day is great for the Church. It’s an opportunity to witness to the world the vibrancy, vitality, and truths of the Catholic Church. Graces are poured out, hearts are converted, vocations are realized, faith is strengthened. Does stupid stuff happen? Of course – you gather millions of sinners together over a week, and guess what – stupid stuff will occur. But stupid stuff has been happening in the Church for about…oh, what, 2000 years? More often than not, the tales of sin and revelry are portrayed as normal behavior, but they are exceptions, not the rule. I’ve never attended, so I can’t say with 100% certainty – but based on testimonies I’ve read and heard, the Good that’s happened at the World Youth Day events has monumentally outweighed the Bad. Some people have to be miserable, I guess.

This year holds special importance to me, as a couple family members are headed there. I’m looking forward to getting their reactions and hearing of their experiences.

If you’re interested in keeping up on the goings on, Aleteia is a great place to start. Here’s a short piece on WYD2016 that published today. 

Please keep the pilgrims, Poland, and Pope Francis in your prayers. World Youth Day runs through Sunday July 31. Click here for official information on the event.

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REPORT: Michael Voris to Film ‘The Vortex’ Ad Orientem in Support of Cardinal Sarah

Screen test image of alleged new ad orientem Vortex episodes.

Artist rendition of alleged new ad orientem “The Vortex” episode.

(AoftheANews) AoftheA News has learned that ChurchMilitant.TV, a lay apostolate located in metro Detroit, is considering filming upcoming episodes of the popular video program “The Vortex” ad orientem, in support of Cardinal Sarah. In early July, at a Sacra Liturgia conference in England, Cardinal Sarah made an appeal to bishops and priests in attendance, that they celebrate Masses ad orientem this upcoming Advent. His appeal received immediate widespread backing throughout the traditionalist Catholic community, but was quickly downplayed by the Vatican.

An anonymous source within ChurchMilitant.TV told AoftheA News that Michael Voris, the apostolate’s founder, will reportedly film a week’s worth of Vortex episodes as a way to endorse Cardinal Sarah and his appeal.

“Michael believes the cardinal’s proposal is worthwhile and deserves support – this is his way of giving it, while at the same time, poke the eye of the modernist cabal inside the Vatican,” the source told AoftheA News.

“It may look like his back will be towards the viewers, but really, Michael and his viewers will be facing the terrible, evil, demonic, atrocious and awful scandals besetting the Catholic Church together. Don’t think of it as staring at Michael’s buttocks – think of it as good soldiers rushing into battle, following their general, off to slay the evil taken root in the Church.”

The anonymous source could neither confirm nor deny that filming has started, but stated he expects it to happen as long as the viewer will be able to see Michael twirl his pencil.

Posted in AoftheA News Desk, Humor, News That Could Be True, Satire, Voris | 2 Comments

PARISH REPORT: Woman Airlifted from Churchyard Labyrinth after 12 Hour Ordeal

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(AoftheANews) BRIDGEPORT – A scary situation ended on a happy note earlier this week, when a parishioner of St Mary, Queen of the Whirled parish was successfully airlifted out of a meditation labyrinth located on church property.

On Monday, Rhonda Drondwigeuax entered the meditation labyrinth at approximately 8:30 AM. Witnesses reported having seen her reach the labyrinth’s center just before 11:00, and she began acting disoriented and confused soon afterward.

“The labyrinth is in our courtyard, and I saw her from the parish office window,” Flo Ressant, the parish receptionist, told AoftheA News. “At first she seemed calm and relaxed, but then appeared agitated and panicky. She seemed unsure of what to do.”

After watching her pace back and forth for an hour, Ressant called the pastor, Fr Del Fick. Upon seeing Drondwigeaux’s behavior, Fick immediately rushed to the labyrinth.

“I tried my best to lead her out,” Fick said. “but nothing I did or said helped. I got very worried.”

He called 911, and several squad cars and ambulances arrived on the scene. Several officers attempted to walk the labyrinth, but were unsuccessful in reaching her. Finally, at about 8:00 PM, the sheriff decided he couldn’t risk the lives of his officers, so he called for the county rescue helicopter. An officer was lowered with a harness, and Drondwigeaux was airlifted to safety.

“I’ve always known something like this would happen one day. Thank God it didn’t end in tragedy,” Fick said. “Turns out her cell phone battery had died, and she couldn’t call for help or use her GPS.”

Fick said he will make announcements at upcoming Masses, to not use the labyrinth without a partner or a fully charged phone. Drondigeaux was taken to the hospital, and is expected to make a full recovery.

Photo credit: QuesterMark via Visual Hunt / CC BY-SA

Posted in AoftheA News Desk, Humor, News That Could Be True, Parish Report, Satire | 2 Comments

Vatican: Pope Francis Seen Playing Pokemon GO at 2 AM Around Rome

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(AoftheANews) ROME – Vatican officials have confirmed with AoftheA News that reports of Pope Francis sneaking out of the Vatican during early morning hours to play Pokémon Go in and around Rome are accurate.

“The rumors are true. He’s been seen as early as 2 AM, walking near the Coliseum and the Spanish Steps,” one official told AoftheA News. “We’ve explained to him the security risks involved, but he keeps telling us ‘I’ve gotta catch ’em all!'”

The Roman police have been alerted to the Holy Father’s habit of making the rounds of PokéStops, collecting Poké Balls and other items, and attempting to capture the digital creatures, while goading other players into battles.

“I saw him almost fall into Trevi Fountain, not paying attention to where he was,” one officer said. “He caught himself just in time.”

Residents who are avid Pokémon Go players have told AoftheA News they’ve encountered the Pontiff on numerous occasions.

“He tends to hang around St Paul’s Outside the Walls,” a girl said. “There’s a gym there, and he’s the boss. I’ve battled him a couple times, but haven’t been able to beat him. He has a super tough MewTwo.”

“He’s pretty cool,” a young man added. “We’ll chat about life and religion and football and other stuff for awhile, and then he kicks my butt. I guess if you’re gonna lose to someone, you can’t get much cooler than losing to the pope.”

Still unconfirmed are reports that the Holy Father has been pressuring members of the Curia to play Pokémon Go or risk demotion.

Image credit: Acts of the Apostasy, cannot be used without permission

Posted in AoftheA News Desk, Holy Father, Humor, News That Could Be True, Pope Francis, Satire | 5 Comments