How to Watch the Trump/Hillary Debate in 2 Easy Steps

The first presidential (does presidential mean anything anymore?) debate (*cough cough*) between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton will be aired tonight at 9 PM EST on every channel everywhere. My prediction?  Moderator Lester Holt will appear most presidential.

Anywho, here’s my advice on how to watch, should you plan to do so, in two easy steps.

Step One:

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Step Two:

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Peace of mind and soul…guaranteed.

(Optional Step One – I guess you could turn the TV off.)

Top photo credit: V31S70 via Visual Hunt / CC BY
Bottom photo credit: Personal image

Posted in AoftheA Public Service Announcement, Election 2016, Eucharist, Jesus, Politics, The Remedy For What Ails The World | Leave a comment

The Church Will Also Survive The Age of Pope Francis

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Throughout this week, The Remnant and Catholic Family News have co-published a three-part open letter to Pope Francis, titled “With Burning Concern: We Accuse Pope Francis”.  (Part I published Monday, Part II on Thursday, and the thrilling conclusion publishes late Friday afternoon). OnePeterFive remarked: “It’s an astonishing thing when you begin compiling it all in one place. You realize that yes, Francis truly is the most damaging pope in Church history.

Strong words. Damning words.

Upon reading the massive missive, old fears began to settle within me, at how the Church is indeed being fractured, that She is being assailed from within and without, and that the situation is extremely dire.

But then I remembered: Jesus Christ promised to be with us til the end of the age, and that His Church will prevail until His return. Such things are not new. The Church survived the Roman persecutions, the Arian heresy, the Protestant Reformation, the French Enlightenment, the scourge of Communism – and countless other challenges and crises throughout the ages.

And the Church, by the grace of God, will survive The Remnant and Catholic Family News, too.

Be at peace. The Church will survive this age.

Photo credit: KOREA.NET – Official page of the Republic of Korea via VisualHunt / CC BY-SA

Posted in All The World's A Blog And We Are Merely Posters, Catholic Bloggers, Hysteria Is Not A Gift Of The Holy Spirit, Pokin' Hornet Nests With A Stick, Pope Francis, Pope Francis Traumatic Syndrome Sufferers, The Remnant, Unbefreakinlievable | 3 Comments

PARISH REPORT: Girl Profoundly Underwhelmed by Communion Line Blessing

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(AoftheANews) SCRANTON – Six-year old Stacey Flunderson, whose family attends Our Lady of Active Participation parish, expressed feelings of deep dismay after receiving a blessing during Communion at Sunday’s 10:30 Mass.

“I thought I’d feel happier and closer to God,” she told AoftheA News, “but instead I’m simply awash with disappointment at the absence of imparted actual grace.”

At first, she anticipated the blessing, stepping into the communion line with her family, her arms crossed and pressed against her chest. “I was expecting an experience of encountering my Lord Jesus Christ. But when I saw we weren’t in the priest’s line, I got a little annoyed. At least Father is consecrated and ordained, right? Instead, I’m shuffling to the altar for some stranger to put their hand on my head, and mumble a weird, vague prayer. Pretty underwhelming, to say the least.”

Upon returning to her pew, those feelings settled into a full-blown case of ennui. “I feel nothing. I recognize that a blessing is incomparable to receiving Him in the Eucharist. They’re two different things. Still, there should be some stirring of the Holy Spirit within me, but nope – nothing. That was a waste of my time, and unnecessarily lengthened the Mass. I should probably blame my parents for encouraging me, but the pastor and worship commission are just as culpable for enabling this false expression of hospitality and inclusiveness.”

Stacey has vowed to never repeat her mistake. “I can wait another year, when I receive my First Communion. I’m done pretending. The final blessing at the Mass’ conclusion is more than sufficient.”

Photo credit: limaoscarjuliet via Visual hunt / CC BY

Posted in AoftheA News Desk, Humor, News That Could Be True, Parish Report, Satire | 1 Comment

If John and James Were Catholic Bloggers…

If social media had been around in Jesus’ day. Luke 9:52-56 might have gone something like this:
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Posted in Catholic Bloggers, Humor, Things Not Said In Scripture | Leave a comment