Jesus Is Watching

Taking “graven images” to a whole new level.

A part of me wants this for my tombstone. This is so wrong, it’s almost right.

h/t Catholic Memes

Posted in Humor, Jesus Is Watching, memes, What The...? | Leave a comment

Yes, Virginia, That Really Was a Satanic Cause

The proper term to describe the events that occurred in Charlottesville and the University of Virginia Friday and Saturday perhaps has yet to be coined, and hopefully one sufficient to the task will never have to be created. Until then, the following will have to do: satanic.

The rally, called Unite the Right, was ostensibly formed to protest the planned removal of a statue of General Robert E Lee. However, from all appearances and many reports, it revealed itself as a white supremacy event, as marchers carried burning tiki torches and reportedly chanted “Blood and soil!”, echoing the slogan of Nazi Germany and the Third Reich.

Satanic.

And during yesterday’s rally, a man rammed his vehicle into a crowd of counter-protesters, killing one woman and injuring several others.

Satanic.

I’m a man whose paternal grandparents immigrated to America from Germany in the early 1920’s, to make a better life for themselves in the aftermath of World War I, and to flee the creeping populism. I’m a man whose father and three uncles fought Nazism and fascism in World War II – two were in the Navy, while two fought in the Army, having survived the Battle of the Bulge. These heroic men volunteered and risked their lives to defeat those evils, to eradicate the world of their vile, inhumane, and deadly ideologies. And as a man who grew up amidst that history, I am disgusted and horrified at what happened this weekend.

Sadly, though they helped to win that battle, it seems the war’s been lost.

Or rather, subsequent generations failed to hold onto the results of their hard-fought victory. We know why, too – sin still blankets the world, darkening man’s intellect and weakening his will. Free will permits us to choose sin over virtue, and Satan continues to tempt every one of us against our better judgment. He twists words to make lies sound truthful. He cannot create the peace and harmony that only God is capable of making – his power lies in corruption. Satan’s version of peace is a perversion, because it requires violence. Satan’s use of harmony is misuse, because his demands discord. Where God asks us to change ourselves to bring about His kingdom, Satan commands we destroy the Other in order to maintain his own.

This weekend’s rally wasn’t about rights, or viewpoints, or difference of opinion. And it’s not an occasion to sink into the quagmire of “what-about-isms”, either. This transcends politics and policy. Please don’t misunderstand me – this ideology most certainly has temporal and real-world consequences for flesh and blood people – today. Right now. But it’s wrong to say “Eh, it’s okay. God ultimately wins in the end”, regardless of it being true. Souls are at stake here – that’s the eternal component we must never lose sight of, and that’s why we can’t turn away from evil, no matter its form. As Catholics, we must look at it straight in the face and call it by its proper name. Evil was on clear, unashamed display, showing there is still far, far to go to achieve authentic justice and true harmony. It won’t come with wars of words and violent clashes, but Satan’s okay with that. He doesn’t want justice or harmony in the first place. He wants mayhem. He thrives on division. He gets off on people descending into hatred.

And let’s be clear of one thing: the Richard Spencers and David Dukes of the world aren’t the actual leaders of the white supremacy brigade. They’re not appealing to their followers’ better angels, to be sure, but rather are feeding their inner, raging demons. But make no mistake: Satan is at the helm. Just as he and his legions defied God and refused to humble themselves, by serving Him and assisting us lowly humans, so too these adherents of supremacy and bigotry. They refuse to serve and help the least of those among us; rather, they demand to stand atop the man-made structures of society and polity, and treat the Other as less than. They forget that those who are first will be last, and those who are last will be first. They forget that God is colorblind.

The rally and its violent rhetoric, and the actions and words of the participants must be condemned, denounced, and enjoined. It must be called by its proper name: satanic.

Now that we’ve done that, it’s time to step into the fray, and bring about God’s kingdom, by loving our enemies, forgiving those who have wronged us, and spreading the Good News. Evil will ultimately be defeated, but for now, the battle wages on, and duty calls.

Image source: Public domain via Wikimedia

Posted in Catholic Stuff, Evil In Our Time, News, Politics, sin, Spiritual Warfare | Comments Off on Yes, Virginia, That Really Was a Satanic Cause

PARISH REPORT: Local KofC Chapter Unveils New Fourth Degree Uniform

(AoftheANews) – PEORIA – Local Knights of Columbus Chapter 247 unveiled their revised design of the uniform and regalia for fourth degree knights, effective immediately.

Instead of the familiar capes, chapeaus, and swords, members will be wearing chain shirts covered by white mantles emblazoned with either the KofC logo or medieval cross, gauntlets, classic helms with visor, and will carry shields. Members will have the option of brandishing swords, maces, or lances.

The local board of directors unanimously voted to update the traditional regalia, telling AoftheA News they have “decided that the time is right for an even more traditional look of the fourth-degree uniform.”

“The board felt that the order needs to respond to changing times,” chapter president Cam Payner said. “The changes are based on Ephesians 6:10-20, and so far, the response has been positive.”

“Way cooler than the ones they just came out with,” one prospective recruit told AoftheA News. “Those look like wardrobe rejects from Stargate. These are awesome!”

Another young man agreed. “These make me feel honored to be Catholic, to defend the faith. Where do I sign up?”

Bishop Daniel Jenky, head of the Peoria Diocese, reportedly likes the new uniform as well. A spokesman told AoftheA News that the bishop remarked they would be useful should Archbishop Fulton J Sheen’s remains need to be removed from New York by force.

Photo credit: gminguzzi via Visual hunt / CC BY-SA

Posted in AoftheA News Desk, Humor, News That Could Be True, Parish Report, Satire | 3 Comments

Men, Now is the Time! Again!

This is it, men – those of you who blog. It’s our chance to take control of the Catholic blogosphere. Here’s what’s going down.

Catholic Mommy Bloggers from the world over are congregating in Austin this weekend for the third Edel Gathering. I know it sounds like a girl band outdoor concert event, or an MLM home-based business racket, but it’s not. ‘Edel’ is named for Venerable Edel Quinn, and the Gathering is about Catholic moms recharging their batteries, escaping the kids, blah blah blah. Enough about the details, though. Let me throw vague and completely untrue assertions at you instead.

Edel Gathering is the brainchild of Jen Fulwiler (Catholic Radio Show Queen & 7 Quick Takes creator) and Hallie Lord, her book-writing podcasting ninja right hand sidekick. They’re the primo Catholic Mommy Bloggers (though they’ve long since evolved into broadcasting), the Generals of the Social Media Baby-making Brigade. They’ve invited millions of mommy bloggers, many of whom, after getting their husband’s permission, are attending*. It’s marketed as a religious, spiritual thing, but let’s get real here – it’s an attempt to sidestep the patriarchy, while making some Benjamins.

Think I’m wrong? Check this out. AoftheA has obtained an advance marketing still of the Jen and Hallie #Edel17 Action Figures available for purchase at Edel (not shown are The Edel Radio Studio Secret Hideout, and Supercharged Book-Signing Event Playset that transforms into a tour bus). Don’t be surprised when you catch your daughters playing Podcast one day next week, or demand them for Christmas. You’ve been duly warned.

Photo credit: JD Hancock via Visualhunt / CC BY

Listen to me, men. The timing’s perfect. Other Mommy bloggers are guest speakers, such as Mary Lenaburg, Christina Dehan Jaloway, and Angela Neumann (Angela’s not a Catholic Blogger, so how she snuck in is beyond me, but whatevs. It’s planned by women.) Haley Stewart is the shindig emcee. Other Mommy bloggers will be in attendance, too, including Heather Renshaw and Rebecca Frech. Are you seeing the pattern here?

THE MOMMY BLOGGERS ARE OFF THE INTERNET!!!!

Don’t doubt me on this. You long-time readers know, three words immediately come to mind when you say “Acts of the Apostasy”: Fingers. Pulse. Catholic. Blogosphere.

(Yeah, it’s four words, but nbd, they’re bad at math)

So while they’re talking about babies, swapping Instant Pot recipes, comparing Jamberries, discussing potty-training techniques, and maybe mention faith once or twice – us men have the perfect opportunity to solidify our hold on the Internet. If we have the will.

This can work. I’ve even secretly included an “educational” video into the schedule of events to advance our cause.

Don’t worry about them discovering our plans, because, duh…THE MOMMY BLOGGERS ARE OFF THE INTERNET!!

I’m not talking small potatoes here either, like leaving up the toilet seat, or duct taping the kids to the wall. No. We have to go for the whole enchilada.

And keep it.

If you’re with me, sign up in the combox. Leave a comment on Facebook. Pull up your big-boy boxer shorts, be brave, and join the revolution. Deus Vult and all that.

Work through your “Honey Do” list first, if you must. Nobody will judge you. Much. But we only have til 11 AM Sunday.

Now, what to do with the Catholic Internet once taking it…we’ll discuss that over bourbon and cigars. First things first.

(updated from a post originally published 7/25/2014)

*I realize some attendees might be unmarried, which means they obviously got permission from either their dad or parish priest.

Posted in Catholic Bloggers, Catholic Blogs, Catholic Stuff, Humor, If You Think This Is Misogyny I Can't Help You, Satire | 4 Comments