PARISH REPORT: Toddler Scores Best Nap in Weeks During Long Form Gospel

(AoftheANews) – SLEEPY HOLLOW – Three-year-old Remy Nodderson took full advantage of the gospel at Sunday’s Mass, as the priest read the long form rather than omitting the bracketed sections, allowing him to get what he called “the best nap I’ve had in weeks”.

“I was all prepared to throw a Category 6 tantrum,” Remy told AoftheA News. “It welled up inside me during the Responsorial Psalm, and I felt it cresting during the second reading. But when Father went long form for the Gospel? It was lights out, baby.”

Remy’s nap on the cushioned, soft-as-a-cloud pew bench, his head supported by his dad’s comfortably weathered leather jacket, lasted until the Sign of Peace, when his older sister Corma stepped on his face as she reached out to hug her mother.

“Yeah, if she hadn’t shoved her Florsheim up my nose, I would’ve slumbered like a baby through Holy Communion, nestled safely against daddy’s shoulder. I thought about screaming like a stuck pig for maybe half a second, but damn, that nap was soooo good. I really couldn’t care less.”

Remy yawned, stretched his little limbs, and cracked his knuckles. “Sure, my parents are grateful now. Wait til it’s 2 in the morning, and they’re still trying to make me go to bed.”

Photo credit: www.saginaw.org via Visual Hunt / CC BY-ND

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Nine Years at St. Blogs Parish

Today is my Bloggannibirthaversary Day! Nine years ago this very day, Acts of the Apostasy published its first post, and became an official parishioner of Saint Blogs Parish. The pundits can debate if that was a good thing or not. The rest of y’all can help yourselves to the cake and ice cream.

Nine years in blogdom is a long time. AoftheA has survived two presidents and endured a papal election. AoftheA has undergone several changes during this time. After years of being a rogue independent, I took a blogging sabbatical of about nine months, returned to the Valley of the Blogs, then was asked to join Patheos, got fired a year later, returned to indie blogging, and then helped create and launch The Catholic Conspiracy last year. I’ve made and lost friends, made and kept ‘enemies’ (I’m blocked on Twitter by National Catholic Reporter, Roman Catholic Wymenpreests, and Rorate Caeli. Figure that one out.), have watched blog traffic rise and fall, and have seen countless blogs fade away into URL purgatory. It’s a lot like life.

Blogging is in a state of flux right now, and according to some, has crested past the peak. Facebook, Instagram, podcasts, and e-zine formats continue to grow, and blogs are taking a hit as a result. Nothing lasts forever, this much we know, and there may come a day when blogs will be as rare as charity on display at Pewsitter. I don’t believe that day is right around the corner, and I don’t believe the format is quite ready for life support.

And so I’ll keep blogging – maybe not for another nine years, but certainly as long as it remains fun, and there remains an audience that finds AoftheA worth reading. I think we have a good thing going here at The Catholic Conspiracy – a stable of awesome writers (with more to come!), each with a distinct voice, each resolved to spread the joys of the faith to their corner of St. Blog’s. I’m grateful to be part of this group – I believe we are making a difference in people’s lives.

Thank you so much for reading, sharing, tweeting, and commenting. Sister Patricia thanks you, too, wherever she may be. Whether you’re a long time reader or a newcomer, thanks for making this blog a regular stop on your trip across the blogosphere. I hope I make it worth your while.

And enjoy the cake!

Photo via VisualHunt.com

Posted in All The World's A Blog And We Are Merely Posters, Anniversaries, Birthdays, Catholic Blogs | 4 Comments

“Jesus Supped With His Apostles”

Saw this meme on Facebook and it made me lol. Tracked it down to James McGrath’s blog “Religion Prof” at Patheos, so props to the prots for this one. It’s how I ecumenical, yo.

Yeah, I know the verse is wrong, according to the Ignatius Catholic bible, but it’s what the meme says, so what can you do?

(It looks different from McGrath’s because the original was too small for my liking, so I remade it bigly.)

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PARISH REPORT: Catholic Mommy Blogger Silently Drafts Scathing Post About Fellow Parishioners During Mass

(AoftheANews) – CHEYENNE – As Catholic Mommy blogger Courtney Kitchener-McGavin held her slightly irritable two-year old daughter Jayden during Sunday’s 11:00 AM Mass, she mentally drafted a white-hot post condemning the parishioners around her who were perturbed she didn’t take her daughter to the crying room.

“These people are gonna get it,” she hissed, her nostrils flared and eyes narrowed to mere slits of seething anger. “Tomorrow’s blog post is going to absolutely rip these people a new one. How dare they look at me with disapproval and a judgmental attitude? Don’t they know who I am?”

Courtney’s blog, “Stressed, Blest, and Breast is Best”, is one of the most widely read Catholic mommy blogs on the Internet, with tens of thousands of followers and subscribers.

“I get a million page views a month, so I have cred,” she said, her shoulders visibly shaking with rage. “These people are going to be sorry. So is the priest! The way he glanced at me when Jayden whimpered a couple times during his homily? I know what he was thinking, and frankly, I’m not going to take it.”

Courtney jotted snarky remarks and clever criticisms on an unused collection envelope during the Prayers for the Faithful, nodding approvingly with her choice selection of apt descriptors and moderate alliterations.

“Ooh, I really like the way that sounds,” she cooed, like Cruella de Vil taunting a helpless Dalmatian pup, her lips forming a self-satisfied smirk. “This is gonna be soooo good. This will go viral.”

In a rare move, Courtney bustled Jayden and her husband Roddy out of the church immediately following Holy Communion.

“I need to get home and post this right away, while it’s fresh. If there are two things I’ve learned about Catholic blogging, it’s one, write while the emotions are high and the fury is raging. And two, follow up humble apology posts are really, really popular.”

Photo credit: BostonCatholic via Visualhunt.com / CC BY-ND

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