(AoftheANews) – ROME – Anonymous sources in the Vatican have indicated that Pope Francis is closely following the hotly contested US Presidential election, reportedly calling it a “great distraction from all the changes I’m making, allowing me to get away with more stuff.”
“He’s really pleased the election is front and center,” one priest told AoftheA Vatican Bureau under the condition of anonymity. “If Catholic bloggers and commentators argue and fight over which candidate to support, they’ll be less likely to notice him destroying the deposit of faith.”
Another source stated that Pope Francis doesn’t care who wins on November 8, just as long as the result causes Catholic bloggers to pay closer attention to that, instead of all the horrible, terrible changes he inflicting on the universal Church.
“A replay of Bush-Gore would be certainly be in the Holy Father’s favor,” the anonymous source said. “That way most of the self-absorbed Promethean Neo-Pelagians will be preoccupied while he does away with the all-male priesthood, half the Marian dogmas, a number of the Ten Commandments, and God knows what else. Kind of like when the Eye of Sauron shifted its gaze from Frodo and the One Ring, to the Black Gate as King Aragorn and the Men of Gondor approached. Then he’ll be able to climb Mt Doom safely.”
“Protracted post-election mayhem would be a godsend, really,” a Vatican spokesman said. “It would give him more time to implement the Modernist, heretical changes he’s always wanted, with less whining from the Catholic blogosphere.”