Woman Outraged after Reading Article that Presented Facts and Both Sides of the Issue

(ACMPress) CINCINNATI – Local woman Anne Taygonnized went into a bitter outrage on social media yesterday after reading an article that presented facts in an unbiased manner, and gave fair representation of both sides of an issue.

One tweet read: “This is utter and complete BS! I read the paper to confirm my biases, not challenge them! Complete failure by local media. #FakeNews”. Moments later she tweeted out: “I’m supposed to come to my own conclusions based on their ‘reporting’?? This is 2019! Feed my narrative, screw facts!”

She later posted on Facebook: “Listen, people, hear me out. I don’t have the patience to get the “full story”. I only need carefully edited video clips that support my point of view and make my political enemies look like bigots and jerks. I don’t need to watch the whole thing. No one does. And I need cropped photos that show me only what I want to see. And I only need rush-to-judgment reporting that back up my prejudices. And then I want a completely new blown out of proportion story to get outraged over, AS SOON AS FREAKING POSSIBLE, so I can forget about the first story and not be expected to rethink things. Who has time to reach conclusions and have reasoned discourse? Who the hell wants to give the benefit of the doubt? I am literally so mad right now. I AM LITERALLY SHAKING AS I WRITE THIS!! I wrote the editor to get that reporter fired for interviewing multiple witnesses and presenting “both sides”. BOTH SIDES MY A**!!! I can’t even right now!”

Several hours later, Anne wrote in an updated Facebook status: “Thanks to everyone checking in on me. Read Slate and Vox for an hour, and I’m much, much better.”

Don’t miss anything from A Catholic Misfit – please like ACM’s Facebook page!

Photo credit: Sorbus-galleria on Visual Hunt / CC BY

About Larry Denninger

After writing at "Acts of the Apostasy" for more than 10 years under a pseudonym, Larry decided it was time to go public, and launch a brand new blog. It will probably backfire horribly. Which means you will want to follow and witness the impending trainwreck. He resides in Michigan.
This entry was posted in All The News That's Misfit To Print, News That Could Be True, Parody, Satire. Bookmark the permalink.