Pope Francis Revises Catechism, Teaches that Plastic Straws are ‘Inadmissable’

Pope Francis holds up a straw during his homily, telling the congregation that using “infernal suck tubes” is now sinful.

[ACMPress] – VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis has significantly revised the teaching on the use of plastic straws in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, declaring that “in the light of the Gospel and Laudato Si” plastic straws “are inadmissible because they are an attack on the inviolability and dignity of the environment”, and stating that the church works “for their abolition worldwide.”

The Holy Father announced this today during Mass, informing the congregation of the new revised formulation of the teaching on respect for the integrity of creation found at number 2415 in the Catechism, in multiple languages. He said this new formulation of the church’s teaching will replace the earlier one approved by St. John Paul II.

The new text will now read:

The seventh commandment enjoins respect for the integrity of creation. Animals, like plants and inanimate beings, are by nature destined for the common food of past, present, and future humanity. Use of the mineral, vegetable, and animal resources of the universe cannot be divorced from respect for moral imperatives. Man’s dominion over inanimate and other living beings granted by the Creator is not absolute; therefore, in the light of the Gospel and Laudato Si, plastic straws are inadmissible because they are an attack on the inviolability and dignity of the environment. Thus, the universal Church will unceasingly work for their abolition worldwide.

During his homily, Pope Francis denounced the “infernal suck tubes”, stating that use of them now constitutes a venial sin, and that using them to project spitballs would be a mortal sin.

The Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith issued a letter to the bishops, stating that Pope Francis “asked that the teaching on plastic straws be reformulated so as to more accurately reflect the development of this long-standing months-old doctrine taking the world by storm”, emphasizing that “this development centers principally on the universal virtue-signaling of banning plastic straws, along with some stuff Francis wrote in Laudato Si”.

A spokesman for the CDF told ACMPress that no one really knows what Pope Francis will do next, but future revisions to the Catechism are forthcoming, because doing that is much easier than dealing with the serious problems facing the Church.

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About Larry Denninger

After writing at "Acts of the Apostasy" for more than 10 years under a pseudonym, Larry decided it was time to go public, and launch a brand new blog. It will probably backfire horribly. Which means you will want to follow and witness the impending trainwreck. He resides in Michigan.
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