PARISH REPORT: Marie Kondo Decluttering Fad Inspires Pastor to Remove Church Walls, Roof

(ACMPress) MOBILE – What started as a modest interest in decluttering for Fr. Jan A’ttoreal, the pastor of Sts. Flotsam and Jetsam parish outside Mobile, AL, quickly turned into a major overhaul of the church building.

He had the walls and roof completely removed.

“The Church encourages us to cultivate a spirit of detachment,” Fr. A’ttoreal told ACMPress, “and so I ‘detached’ the walls and roof. They didn’t spark any joy, which is one of Marie Kondo’s tenets: if it doesn’t spark joy, pitch it. And all those windows and beams and trusses? Way too much clutter.”

Marie Kondo is the leading expert on minimalism and decluttering, whose books and videos have inspired millions to simplify their lives.

Many of the parishioners arriving for Mass on Saturday afternoon were surprised to find just the altar, a crucifix, the pews, seven candles, the baptismal font, a set of bongos, and the crying room remaining from Fr A’ttoreal’s purging.

“At first I was shocked,” one woman said, “but I like the minimalism. There’s less distraction. All those stained windows and statues, they detracted from me concentrating on my feelings while at Mass.”

“It’s like being closer to nature,” a man told ACMPress. “And being close to nature is just like being close to God. It is, isn’t it?”

Fr. A’ttoreal explained that since cleanliness is close to Godliness, then having less of a church to clean is as close to heaven on earth anyone could hope to get. “I’m also storing the vestments in a dresser, using Marie’s vertical storing technique, rather than hanging them in the closet. They’re much happier, and a happier vestment makes for a happier Mass.”

Don’t miss anything from A Catholic Misfit – please like ACM’s Facebook page!

Photo credit: cliff1066™ on VisualHunt.com / CC BY

About Larry Denninger

After writing at "Acts of the Apostasy" for more than 10 years under a pseudonym, Larry decided it was time to go public, and launch a brand new blog. It will probably backfire horribly. Which means you will want to follow and witness the impending trainwreck. He resides in Michigan.
This entry was posted in All The News That's Misfit To Print, Humor, News That Could Be True, Parish Report, Parody, Satire. Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to PARISH REPORT: Marie Kondo Decluttering Fad Inspires Pastor to Remove Church Walls, Roof

  1. Adrienne says:

    OMGosh! Pure Larry.

    P.S. I love Marie Kondo, but I think I may keep my roof and windows.

Comments are closed.