PARISH REPORT: Man Attempts Eye Contact During Exchange of Peace, Triggers Nearby Mass-goers

[ACMPress] – DUBUQUE – Several members of Our Lady of Safe Spaces complained to their pastor after the 10:45 AM Sunday Mass, that a man attempted eye contact during the Kiss of Peace, ACMPress has learned.

“It was extremely uncomfortable,” one woman said, wishing to remain anonymous. “I was averting my gaze while weakly grasping the man’s hand, and as I muttered ‘Peace be with you’, I could just tell he was trying to make eye contact.”

“It was so inappropriate,” an unnamed man told ACMPress. “I get that we’re community and should show hospitality to others, but where does it say I’m supposed to make eye contact with my neighbor? I don’t even do that when holding hands during the Our Father. It’s a shame his parents never taught him any manners.”

“His firm handshake bothered me nearly as much as the direct gaze,” a third person said. “All that self-confidence and ‘friendliness’ was so upsetting.”

Fr. Saul E. Toode, pastor of Our Lady of Safe Spaces, assured his parishioners that he’ll approach the man in a passive-aggressive, non-confrontational manner in the near future. “Once I find out who he is, I’ll reach out via email or send him a letter, asking him to be less aggressive and assertive. Displays of toxic masculinity such as firm handshakes and eye contact are unwelcome here.”

Attempts by ACMPress to locate the man were unsuccessful.

“If he’s here next Sunday,” the first woman said, “I’ll shun him. It’s the Christian thing to do.”

Photo credit: spotreporting on Visual hunt / CC BY-SA

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About Larry Denninger

After writing at "Acts of the Apostasy" for more than 10 years under a pseudonym, Larry decided it was time to go public, and launch a brand new blog. It will probably backfire horribly. Which means you will want to follow and witness the impending trainwreck. He resides in Michigan.
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