PARISH REPORT: ‘Helicopter’ Mom Demands to Help Newly Ordained Son Celebrate First Mass

ACMPress – MONTPELIER – Local woman Sue Korski, whose son Martin was ordained a priest two weeks ago, demanded that her bishop permit her to con-celebrate his first Mass this upcoming Sunday at St. Huey Parish.

“I’ve done everything for him since he was a sweet little baby, so why should I stop now?” she told ACMPress. “While in seminary, I helped write his papers and homilies, did a bunch of his homework, and made sure he had the right friends. I can’t tell you how many times I argued with his professors over grades. So if the bishop thinks I’m going to stand down, he’s in for a shock!”

Korski recounted one way she helped at his ordination. “I scrubbed and sanitized the floor before he laid facedown. No dirty floor for my Marty.”

A diocesan spokesman told ACMPress her request will most assuredly be denied, and instead be offered the opportunity to lector, bring up the offetory gifts, and perhaps act as an EMHC.

“Not good enough for my baby,” she said. “I want to be right there by his side, turning pages in the Sacramentary, holding his hand during the Our Father, making sure the lectern microphone is at just the right height. All the things any loving mother would want to do for their widdle wum wum.”

ACMPress asked Martin his opinion on his mother’s demands, to which she answered “Of course Marty wants me help. He only gets one first Mass, and he wants it as memorable as possible.”

Don’t miss anything from A Catholic Misfit – please like ACM’s Facebook page!

Photo credit: SupportPDX on Visualhunt / CC BY

About Larry Denninger

After writing at "Acts of the Apostasy" for more than 10 years under a pseudonym, Larry decided it was time to go public, and launch a brand new blog. It will probably backfire horribly. Which means you will want to follow and witness the impending trainwreck. He resides in Michigan.
This entry was posted in Humor, News That Could Be True, Parish Report, Parody, Satire. Bookmark the permalink.