Pope Francis Revises Catechism, Teaches that Plastic Straws are ‘Inadmissable’

Pope Francis holds up a straw during his homily, telling the congregation that using “infernal suck tubes” is now sinful.

[ACMPress] – VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis has significantly revised the teaching on the use of plastic straws in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, declaring that “in the light of the Gospel and Laudato Si” plastic straws “are inadmissible because they are an attack on the inviolability and dignity of the environment”, and stating that the church works “for their abolition worldwide.”

The Holy Father announced this today during Mass, informing the congregation of the new revised formulation of the teaching on respect for the integrity of creation found at number 2415 in the Catechism, in multiple languages. He said this new formulation of the church’s teaching will replace the earlier one approved by St. John Paul II.

The new text will now read:

The seventh commandment enjoins respect for the integrity of creation. Animals, like plants and inanimate beings, are by nature destined for the common food of past, present, and future humanity. Use of the mineral, vegetable, and animal resources of the universe cannot be divorced from respect for moral imperatives. Man’s dominion over inanimate and other living beings granted by the Creator is not absolute; therefore, in the light of the Gospel and Laudato Si, plastic straws are inadmissible because they are an attack on the inviolability and dignity of the environment. Thus, the universal Church will unceasingly work for their abolition worldwide.

During his homily, Pope Francis denounced the “infernal suck tubes”, stating that use of them now constitutes a venial sin, and that using them to project spitballs would be a mortal sin.

The Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith issued a letter to the bishops, stating that Pope Francis “asked that the teaching on plastic straws be reformulated so as to more accurately reflect the development of this long-standing months-old doctrine taking the world by storm”, emphasizing that “this development centers principally on the universal virtue-signaling of banning plastic straws, along with some stuff Francis wrote in Laudato Si”.

A spokesman for the CDF told ACMPress that no one really knows what Pope Francis will do next, but future revisions to the Catechism are forthcoming, because doing that is much easier than dealing with the serious problems facing the Church.

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McCarrick Unholy Mess Makes Clear VIRTUS Is Merely Smoke and Mirrors

[Welcome, Big Pulpit visitors! Thanks for stopping by! – ed.]

I was hesitant to write anything about former Cardinal McCarrick’s aberrant sexual immorality, as credible accusations made by seminarians and others abused by him became public. One, I didn’t want bring even more attention to this man’s heinous, evil actions. Two, writers much more talented than me have published eloquent, forceful pieces, so anything I might have to say would pale in comparison. And three, I didn’t want to write something simply for the sake of writing something. The whole “piling on” thing.

It occurred to me, though, that since evil seeks to inflict unlimited harm upon the world, then the light brought to bear upon and expose such evil should be equally unlimited. There can never be too much discussion of the true, good, and beautiful in response to deceit, evil, and ugliness. We can’t avoid discussing hard things simply because they are hard to discuss; that’s why the Church is wallowing in this wretched pit of perdition, after all. It’s why we hear so little preaching on the evils of sexual sins – some in the clergy and episcopacy have been covering up sexual sins within their number. Because they’re not really sins, if your conscience tells you so. Because if no one knows about them, there isn’t a problem.

Problem was, a good number of people knew about McCarrick and his dalliances, and nothing was done. He was propped up rather than pushed out, promoted rather than passed by. When the clergy sex abuse crisis exploded in 2002, the US bishops responded with words, and then more words. When strength was called for, they responded with weakness. When virtue was called for, they responded instead with VIRTUS.

VIRTUS was the penance exacted upon the laity due to the sins of the bishops. VIRTUS was the 614th commandment these modern-day Pharisees laid upon the faithful, a burden imposed upon people never accused of abusing children or molesting adolescents. As bishops closed ranks, countless Catholic lay people were made to feel like the criminal, simply because they wanted to teach, coach, or otherwise engage with the youth.

About eight years ago, I underwent VIRTUS training. A number of men in my men’s group recognized a need in our parish – reaching out to widowers, keeping them engaged in the parish, making sure they’re not forgotten. The pastor liked the idea, and asked us to expand it to include men experiencing any sort of loss – job, divorce, health. We had a brief course on grief counseling, and did some role-playing exercises. Then we were told  VIRTUS training was required because we might come in contact with children. Might. We had to prove our innocence, and learn the signs of abusive behavior (in and of itself, that’s a good thing, don’t get me wrong), because an elderly widower might have young grandchildren at home when we stopped by to share a beer or a cup of coffee, doncha know.

At that point, the idea withered. VIRTUS killed what could have been a fruitful ministry. Several men reached out to widowers on their own, sans the parish’s association, because it was the right thing to do, because they weren’t predators. They knew VIRTUS was a hoop-de-doo for lay people to jump through, and not a solution to the clergy abuse crisis. They knew it was smoke and mirrors.

Maybe VIRTUS deterred a few people intent on harming kids. Perhaps a few predators were identified over the past fifteen years. One thing is for certain – VIRTUS didn’t stop McCarrick from becoming a Cardinal. VIRTUS hasn’t prevented seminarians from being abused or assaulted. VIRTUS hasn’t prevented the evil actions committed by those in the hierarchy.

What VIRTUS did prevent was people like myself from volunteering. Until the hierarchy shines the bright light of truth upon the evils being excused, committed, and protected amongst their brethren; until they make the hard decisions that are required; until they address the real problem unlike the way they did in 2002, my parish and the archdiocese get no additional moments of my time. I have enough burdens to bear without them flinging upon my back the heavy cross they feel is beneath them to carry.

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PARISH REPORT: Man Attempts Eye Contact During Exchange of Peace, Triggers Nearby Mass-goers

[ACMPress] – DUBUQUE – Several members of Our Lady of Safe Spaces complained to their pastor after the 10:45 AM Sunday Mass, that a man attempted eye contact during the Kiss of Peace, ACMPress has learned.

“It was extremely uncomfortable,” one woman said, wishing to remain anonymous. “I was averting my gaze while weakly grasping the man’s hand, and as I muttered ‘Peace be with you’, I could just tell he was trying to make eye contact.”

“It was so inappropriate,” an unnamed man told ACMPress. “I get that we’re community and should show hospitality to others, but where does it say I’m supposed to make eye contact with my neighbor? I don’t even do that when holding hands during the Our Father. It’s a shame his parents never taught him any manners.”

“His firm handshake bothered me nearly as much as the direct gaze,” a third person said. “All that self-confidence and ‘friendliness’ was so upsetting.”

Fr. Saul E. Toode, pastor of Our Lady of Safe Spaces, assured his parishioners that he’ll approach the man in a passive-aggressive, non-confrontational manner in the near future. “Once I find out who he is, I’ll reach out via email or send him a letter, asking him to be less aggressive and assertive. Displays of toxic masculinity such as firm handshakes and eye contact are unwelcome here.”

Attempts by ACMPress to locate the man were unsuccessful.

“If he’s here next Sunday,” the first woman said, “I’ll shun him. It’s the Christian thing to do.”

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If John the Evangelist Had Blogged Revelation….

(While A Catholic Misfit is off enjoying a well-deserved vacation, please enjoy an old AoftheA post!)


Another Vision Of An Angel

[Sorry about the delay between posts, everyone. It’s been storming the past few days, and I think a lightning strike fried my modem the other night. I was just able to get back on-line this morning. Anyway, here’s my latest vision…]

Then I saw another mighty angel coming down from heaven, wrapped in a cloud, with a rainbow over his head, and his face was like the sun, and his legs like pillars of fire. He had a little scroll open in his hand. And he set his right foot on the sea, and his left foot on the land, and called out with a loud voice, like a lion roaring; when he called out, the seven thunders had sounded. And when the seven thunders had sounded, I was about to write, but I heard a voice from heaven saying, “Seal up what the seven thunders have said, and do not write it down.”

And the angel whom I saw standing on sea and land lifted up his right hand to heaven and swore by him who lives for ever and ever, who created heaven and what is in it, the earth and what is in it, and the sea and what is in it, that there should be no more delay, but that in the days of the trumpet call to be sounded by the seventh angel, the mystery of God, as he announced to his servants the prophets, should be fulfilled.

Then the voice which I had heard from heaven spoke to me again, saying, “Go, take the scroll which is open in the hand of the angel who is standing on the sea and on the land.” So I went to the angel and told him to give me the little scroll; and he said to me. “Take it and eat; it will be bitter to your stomach, but sweet as honey in your mouth.” And I took the little scroll from the hand of the angel and ate it; it was sweet as honey in my mouth, but when I had eaten it my stomach was made bitter. And I was told, “You must again prophesy about many peoples and nations and tongues and kings.”



Bardus Skepticus said

You keep claiming these are “visions from God”, but where’s your proof? You could be just experiencing hallucinations that anybody who’s been exiled on an island would probably have.


Polycarp said

“…a lightning strike fried my modem…”

John – get yourself a surge protector.


Magnus Bopperitus said

OK, let me get this straight. This angel comes out of the sky, it’s legs made of fire, and it stands with one foot in the water, but his fire leg doesn’t go out? That makes no sense at all.


Flavius Flava Flave said

“That makes no sense at all.”

Well, whaddya expect? These are the same people who claim that a Nazarene carpenter was raised from the dead. They claim he ‘multiplied’ some bread and fish, too, but everyone knows that the crowds brought their own food. Reason and logic will never get through their thick heads.


Papias of Hierapolis said

Magnus, these are visions. A gift from God. They are similar to dreams in that they must be interpreted in order to be better understood. Before succumbing to doubt and derision, I counsel that we wait until John’s visions cease before we try to interpret them.


Anonymous said

Well, I was interested in these visions up until a couple weeks ago where John said he saw seven angels blowing trumpets, and there were flaming mountains falling from the sky and fire and brimstone, and then a bunch of the horses blew sulfur and smoke out their nostrils, killing a third of humanity…combine that with the seven seals business, and I’m chalking this up as more hackneyed apocalyptic literature that’s all the rage these days. Yawn.


Polycarp said

Papias, don’t feed the trolls, man.


Justinian said

IMHO, I don’t think it’s prudent to follow any apparition or locution that hasn’t been approved by someone in authority.


John the Evangelist said

I’ll try to respond to your comments.

Bardus – we’ve had this discussion before. Visions are different than hallucinations, in that hallucinations are typically accepted by the subject as being reality, whereby I know that these visions are not reality, but signs and wonders revealed to me by God, either as allegorical or representations of some future, unknown event. These visions are not for my benefit, but I believe they are for the benefit of others, for the benefit of those who believe.

Polycarp – did that. When the modem got replaced, the tech threw in a surge protector. And your advice to Papias is most wise.

Flavius – no miracle of the multiplication of loaves and fishes? What, were you there??? If that miracle was false, along with the claim of Jesus’ resurrection, along with all the other miracles that have been recorded, would I then be willingly exiled…for a bunch of lies? Give it some thought – apply some of that reason and logic.

Justinian – the apostle Paul said to test all things, and retain what is true. As one who knew Jesus personally, and cared for His mother, is not my word a sufficient test? Still, your difficulty in accepting my visions does not indicate a weakness in faith on your part, only a pure willingness to submit to proper authority. Perhaps some day in the future, through the guidance of the Holy Spirit, these words I speak and visions I witness will be as authoritative as the Torah itself. But that would be God’s will, not mine.


Bardus Skepticus said

As I pointed out on a previous post, the crucial thing your story is lacking is a control group. Without a control group, there’s no way to prove you’re having visions (fine – I’ll use your word if it makes you happy) and not just making stuff up.


John the Evangelist said...

“…your story is lacking is a control group.”

And just how many followers of The Way are exiled on islands, exactly?


Anonymous said

Keep up the good work, John. We’re praying for you here in Ephesus!


Simeon of Smyrna said

I bet some people 2000 years from now will take all these visions literally…


Polycarp said

Flavius Flava Flave – I’ve known John for many years. I have never known him to lie about anything.

Simeon – LOL! That is if Jesus doesn’t triumphantly return by then!


Demetrius said

I love your site – adding it to my blogroll.


Just Another Happy Roman Citizen said

I can’t believe the junk you “followers of the Way” believe. This is precisely why the Roman Empire will crush your little religion and rule the world for centuries! Nice knowin’ ya, losers!


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