National Donut Day and the Catholic Church: A Hole-y Proposal

donut doughnut catholic church

Friday June 1 was National Donut Day, which frankly disappoints me, because I think every day ought to be National Donut Day. Why relegate to one day something that ought to be celebrated all.the.time.

I came across an article at USAToday.com yesterday called “50 States: 50 Doughnut Destinations” that might have raised my cholesterol levels 50 points simply by having read it. The author highlighted craft doughnut bakeries or regional chains from each state, in recognition of NDD. It was a tasty article.

Which got me thinking. The USCCB needs to set up an office right away – call it Catholic Campaign for Donut Development, or Laity, Marriage, Family Life, and Donuts, or whatever – and help dioceses work out local contracts with these places. Every parish in the US has one or two Coffee & Donut hours, right? Imagine the response if the Church arranged sweetheart deals with each of these establishments. Attendance would skyrocket, guaranteed. Plus there’s the benefit of helping local and state-wide businesses. It’d be a win-win. No one honestly likes Dunkin Donuts anyway.

I mean, it’s not like two generations of crappy music, watered-down catechesis, uninspired liturgies, blasé homilies, ugly architecture, hidden tabernacles, and felt banners have increased attendance, right? What have they got to lose? And it doesn’t appear the USCCB believes a return to traditional practices will help solve the problem. So why not craft donuts?

Photo credit: Gabe Kronisch on Visualhunt.com / CC BY

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About Larry Denninger

After writing at "Acts of the Apostasy" for more than 10 years under a pseudonym, Larry decided it was time to go public, and launch a brand new blog. It will probably backfire horribly. Which means you will want to follow and witness the impending trainwreck. He resides in Michigan.
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