[ACMPress] – KINGDOM OF ETERNAL FLAME AND PUNISHMENT – Road commission officials from Hell announced significant infrastructure improvement plans, less than a week after a Pennsylvania grand jury released a report on extensive clerical sex abuse and episcopal cover-up, spanning a 70 year period.
“Some of the major inbound arteries are overdue for widening,” Asmodeus, Lord of the Seventh Circle of Hell and Road Planning Commissioner told ACMPress, “and we’ve been wanting to complete the Gehenna Bypass for a couple centuries now. With last week’s report, there’s enough reasonable hope to break ground, figure out detours and lane shifts, and whatnot.”
“We’ve got the slave labor,” said Orcus, Tormentor of Souls and Chief Engineer of Infrastructure. “That’s not an issue. All we need now are bones and skulls to build the roads, and if nobody seeks forgiveness and is granted mercy, we estimate completing construction within the decade.
“And if the report is the ‘tip of the iceberg’, as we’ve heard rumored,” he added, “we’ll throw in some bike paths too. What the hell.”
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