Category Archives: News That Could Be True

PARISH REPORT: Worship Committee Chair Nominee Alleged to Binge Drink Sacramental Wine as Altar Boy

[ACMPress] – BETHESDA – What began as a simple confirmation process for a new Worship Committee chairperson at Sts Bartles & Jaymes quickly turned complicated yesterday, when allegations arose that the nominee was a sacramental wine binge drinker as an … Continue reading

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Vatican Archivists Find Unfinished Papal Encyclical on the Rosary!!

(ACMPRess) Calling it the “most exciting archival discovery in the post-Reformation era”, two Vatican archivists announced they discovered what is believed to be the unfinished 13th Rosary Encyclical penned by Pope Leo XIII. Pope Leo XIII, who had a strong … Continue reading

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PARISH REPORT: Vegan Leaves Catholic Church upon Hearing Eucharist Is Jesus’ Body

[ACMPress] – PORTLAND – Corey Ander, a 22-year old lifelong Catholic and vegan, announced on Facebook he was leaving the Catholic Church because “I heard my priest say the Eucharist is Jesus’ body and blood, and I promised myself I … Continue reading

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Man Credited with Saving Alaskan Glaciers up for Beatification

[ACMPress] – ROME – An official at the Congregation for the Causes of Saints confirmed with ACMPress they’ve begun the beatification process for the man credited with saving Alaskan glaciers from the ravaging effects of climate change. Phil Ehrrupp, a … Continue reading

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