Category Archives: All The News That’s Misfit To Print

Report: Pope to Infallibly Declare Jeffrey Epstein Didn’t Kill Himself

ACMPress – ROME – Sources within the Vatican have told ACMPress that Pope Francis is preparing a document in which he will infallibly declare that Jeffrey Epstein didn’t kill himself. “The Holy Father has been following the case very closely,” … Continue reading

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PARISH REPORT: Church Unveils New Line of Craft Sacramental Wines

ACMPress – NAPA VALLEY – Sts. Bartle & Jaymes in Napa, CA unveiled their long awaited line-up of 2019 craft organic sacramental wines this past weekend, holding tastings for their parishioners after each Mass. The response was overwhelmingly positive. “I’m … Continue reading

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PARISH REPORT: Church Serves Free Range Donuts at Coffee Hour; Attendance Skyrockets

ACMPress – LIBERTYVILLE – Mass attendance at Our Lady of Organic Goodness in downtown Libertyville has increased markedly since May of 2019, and the Welcoming and Holistic Ministry chairwoman knows the reason why. It’s the free-range donuts being served at … Continue reading

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PARISH REPORT: Lonely Communion Paten Hoping to Be Adopted by Tradtional Catholic Parish

ACMPress – BOSTON – The last remaining communion paten at The National Shrine of the Unending Indult continues to have hope that a traditional Catholic parish will soon adopt him. “It’s tough, you know, sitting in a dark drawer in … Continue reading

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