Category Archives: All The News That’s Misfit To Print

PARISH REPORT: Worship Committee Chair Nominee Alleged to Binge Drink Sacramental Wine as Altar Boy

[ACMPress] – BETHESDA – What began as a simple confirmation process for a new Worship Committee chairperson at Sts Bartles & Jaymes quickly turned complicated yesterday, when allegations arose that the nominee was a sacramental wine binge drinker as an … Continue reading

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Vatican Archivists Find Unfinished Papal Encyclical on the Rosary!!

(ACMPRess) Calling it the “most exciting archival discovery in the post-Reformation era”, two Vatican archivists announced they discovered what is believed to be the unfinished 13th Rosary Encyclical penned by Pope Leo XIII. Pope Leo XIII, who had a strong … Continue reading

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Man Credited with Saving Alaskan Glaciers up for Beatification

[ACMPress] – ROME – An official at the Congregation for the Causes of Saints confirmed with ACMPress they’ve begun the beatification process for the man credited with saving Alaskan glaciers from the ravaging effects of climate change. Phil Ehrrupp, a … Continue reading

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Vatican Officials Annoyed Pope Francis Won’t Shut Up Over His Being Silent

[ACMPress] – ROME – Numerous Vatican officials have complained to ACMPress that Pope Francis, ever since recommending “silence in prayer” in a homily delivered on September 3, to deal with those seeking scandal and division, hasn’t stopped talking about how … Continue reading

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