Monthly Archives: August 2018

PARISH REPORT: Change in Coffee Brand Causes Near Riot after Mass

[ACMPress] – ROCKFORD – Parishioners at St Juan Valdez caused a near riot last Sunday when they discovered the coffee served after the Eight’oclock AM Mass was a different brand. Many parishioners tossed full cups of hot coffee into the … Continue reading

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VIDEO: Extreme Altar Server Training

Sure, the video says it’s a demonstration of a Korean Taekwondo Team, but c’mon. It’s really an Extreme Altar Serving Training video. It should be, anyway. I mean, who doesn’t want to see altar servers do a sequence of Matrix-like … Continue reading

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PARISH REPORT [Late Edition]: Communion Confusion Erupts Due to Absent Usher

[ACMPress] – PALM SPRINGS – Reports from Sts Abbott and Costello, located outside Palm Springs, CA, indicate that nearly 50 parishioners didn’t receive Holy Communion because the usher assigned to their section failed to show up. Several parishioners spoke with … Continue reading

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Hell Announces Ambitious Road and Highway Improvement Plans

[ACMPress] – KINGDOM OF ETERNAL FLAME AND PUNISHMENT – Road commission officials from Hell announced significant infrastructure improvement plans, less than a week after a Pennsylvania grand jury released a report on extensive clerical sex abuse and episcopal cover-up, spanning … Continue reading

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