Former Football Player Set to Kick Off New Life as a Nun

Need an uplifting story for your Monday? Check out this video of a former football player who, upon finishing her career in Detroit, is about to profess her final vows, becoming a Franciscan Sister.

That’s not a typo. She really did play football, in the early 2000’s in a now-defunct women’s professional football league.

The Detroit Free Press ran a cover story in Sunday’s Sports section.

In March 2007, Yoches experienced what she says was her “call to religious life.” The moment happened while she was praying with someone else. Inexplicably, she says she felt the presence of the Holy Spirit and knew she had to dedicate the rest of her life to God.

She broke up with her boyfriend that night.

She told her parents and her two siblings, all of whom were supportive.

She told friends and co-workers, all of whom were taken aback.

“I lived a crazy wild party life before I converted,” Yoches said. “I kept my faith to myself before all of this, so people were very surprised that this was really who and what I wanted to do and be.”

God works in amazing ways. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done, where you’ve been, or who you are. He calls each one of us to Himself, and if we’re courageous enough to listen and respond, our lives will have greater depth and meaning and purpose. Our life’s trajectory will lead us to places undreamt of, and we’ll experience joy, contentment, and peace the world is incapable of providing.

I’m reminded of a line from Sherry Weddell’s Forming Intentional Disciples: “Simon, the fisherman, before his meeting with Christ, however thoroughly he might have searched within himself, could not possibly have found a trace of Peter.” Sister Yoches, I’m sure, can definitely relate.

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Newsweek: Church Imposes Purgatory as a Punishment

Chalk this up as another Great Moment in Religious Reporting.

Newsweek (they’re still in business?) ran a story covering the USCCB Spring Meeting, during which Bishop Weisenburger of Arizona suggested that Catholics who assist in the Trump’s administration immigration policy of separating children from their parents be subjected to ‘canonical penalties’. The writer, in an effort to be helpful, I’m sure, included a definition of canonical penalty:

“A canonical penalty is defined as a punishment imposed by the church, which could include purgatory or excommunication. Catholic church laws are outlined in the Code of Canon law, a system of laws for regulation within the church.”

Um, dude. The Church doesn’t have the authority or power to punish Catholics with Purgatory. You gotta be dead to enter purgatory – your local DMV or Verizon store doesn’t qualify. And once you’re dead, the Church can’t do nothin’. Purgatory is a state or condition of temporal punishment for those who, after death, are not entirely free of attachment to sin, and must be purged of all imperfections before reaching heaven. It’s where most Catholic bloggers are gonna end up.

I suppose it’s too much to ask a Newsweek reporter to understand Purgatory, though, when most Catholics probably don’t understand it either, based on how Catholic funerals tend to be unofficial canonizations. Still, he would’ve done himself and his reader a favor had he consulted a Catholic encyclopedia for his definition, and not a citation from the USLegal website.

Photo credit: Tauralbus on VisualHunt / CC BY

Posted in Catholic, Great Moments in Religious Reporting, News, Purgatory | 1 Comment

Bishop Proposes ‘Canonical Penalties’ for Catholics Who Remove Kids from Parents for Children’s Liturgy

[ACMPress] – FT LAUDERDALE, FL – An unidentified US bishop suggested that penalties be put in place for Catholics who help carry out any parish’s Worship Committee policy of separating families during Mass, when children are removed from the congregation for the Liturgy of the Word. He presented the recommendation while speaking Wednesday at the annual spring meeting of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops.

“Canonical penalties are there in place to heal, not punish,” he said, according to ACMPress. “And therefore, for the good and well-being of these people’s souls, it’s time we take a look at canonical penalties.”

A canonical penalty is defined as a punishment imposed by the church, which could include excommunication. Catholic church laws are outlined in its Code of Canon law.

Others joined the bishop in denouncement of Children’s Liturgy policies, which have been popular since the Second Vatican Council. The unnamed bishop read a statement at the event. “The Church has the discretion in our laws to ensure that young children are not separated from their parents and exposed to irreparable harm and trauma that the Spirit of Vatican II inflicts. Families are the foundational element of our society, and they must be allowed to pray together throughout the entirety of the Mass,” he said. “Separating babies from their mothers during the Liturgy of the Word is not the answer and is immoral.”

The USCCB is not expected to issue a similar statement recommending ‘canonical penalties’ for Catholic pro-abortion politicians.

Photo credit: Јerry on Visual hunt / CC BY

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Posted in All The News That's Misfit To Print, Catholic, Humor, News That Could Be True, Satire | 1 Comment

Sister Patricia On: The Feast of St. Anthony

(Sister Patricia Owens O’Flannery, OP, a post-modern pre-traditional  omni-spiritual Dominican sister, was a rather irregular contributor to Acts of the Apostasy, back in the day. Today marks her return to blogging, where she offers her thoughts on the Feast of St. Anthony. I think.)

Well, well, well. Turns out praying to some saint named Anthony really does work.

When LarryD restructured his old blog, he conveniently forgot to mention anything to me. Rather than consult the spirits of my ancestors, or escalate to the Poetic Tapestry of Jesuitic Universal Consciousness (that’s a four hour ritual, people. Jesuits never do anything easy!), I took the advice of a friend and prayed to St. Anthony.

“St Anthony, St Anthony, please come around. Larry’s ditched me again, and his blog can’t be found!”

And wouldn’t you know it, before you could say “Morphogenetic Fields of Higher Elemental Comprehension”, I found his new blog. A Catholic Misfit. It’s kismet, isn’t it? The name simply oozes ‘Sister Patricia’, a divine coalescence conjoined to my ethereal oneness and being! You know it’s true, dear friends: I AM the original Catholic Misfit.

Fortunately, my hacking skills are as proficient as my labyrinth-navigation skills (they’re strangely similar, if you think about it), and within moments, I had gained access. It is so grand to return to blogging, along with a newfound fondness for this St. Anthony of Padua person (I just absolutely adore the Japanese saints, don’t you?). I wonder if he can help me find my lost chakras, too? Oh, and I’ve misplaced my favorite set of reiki stones! Sr. Raqanne Rolle borrowed them last week, and claims to have returned them. However, they’re not next to my hand-crafted, Himalayan Pine Home Incense Dehumidifier where they belong (Home tip: always store your incense in a dehumidifier. Especially with the Summer Solstice approaching! Keep your powder dry!!).

Anyway, since I’m here, I may as well fill you in on what’s been going on in my life. I don’t even know where to start, my life has been such a whirlwind! My on-line liturgical dancing classes are fully booked, with loooong waiting lists. I may have to franchise, it’s that busy. I’ve been consulting with Oregon Press on new hymns and spiritual music, too. Quite fun, but frankly, the latest crop of composers have a long way to go before they can even hope to stoop to the depths of Haugen and Schuette. Oh, and this is very exciting! A kind soul donated a sculpture to our convent, saying it’s a representation of Jesus at the very moment of the Resurrection! Isn’t it inspiring??

At first we were a little suspicious, because we were sure Jesus had a beard. And it looks vaguely familiar. But who really knows how Jesus looked after His resurrection, right? It’s hanging in our cigar and whiskey lounge, and gives us much to contemplate concerning divinity and the mysteries of The Force.

I wish I had more time to chat, but there are so many tasks on the Summer Solstice to-do list! The polyester vestments won’t sew themselves, you know! As they say in that weird Latin language, Tempers fugues!

May the ever-expanding expanse of Sophia’s expansive Light and Consciousness enfold you in holistic holy wholeness, and infuse your souls with levity and mirth!

Oh – and thank you St Anthony for answering my prayer! Hopefully he’ll answer the one concerning my old blog posts….

Bottom Photo credit: Karen_O’D on Visual Hunt / CC BY

p.s. It seems LarryD has ditched his gnome de plum, which I suggested he do years ago. It’s nice he’s finally taken my advice.

Posted in Humor, Parody, Sister Patricia | 1 Comment