If John the Evangelist Had Blogged Revelation….

(While A Catholic Misfit is off enjoying a well-deserved vacation, please enjoy an old AoftheA post!)

YOM SHLISI, SIMANU, 96

Another Vision Of An Angel

[Sorry about the delay between posts, everyone. It’s been storming the past few days, and I think a lightning strike fried my modem the other night. I was just able to get back on-line this morning. Anyway, here’s my latest vision…]

Then I saw another mighty angel coming down from heaven, wrapped in a cloud, with a rainbow over his head, and his face was like the sun, and his legs like pillars of fire. He had a little scroll open in his hand. And he set his right foot on the sea, and his left foot on the land, and called out with a loud voice, like a lion roaring; when he called out, the seven thunders had sounded. And when the seven thunders had sounded, I was about to write, but I heard a voice from heaven saying, “Seal up what the seven thunders have said, and do not write it down.”

And the angel whom I saw standing on sea and land lifted up his right hand to heaven and swore by him who lives for ever and ever, who created heaven and what is in it, the earth and what is in it, and the sea and what is in it, that there should be no more delay, but that in the days of the trumpet call to be sounded by the seventh angel, the mystery of God, as he announced to his servants the prophets, should be fulfilled.

Then the voice which I had heard from heaven spoke to me again, saying, “Go, take the scroll which is open in the hand of the angel who is standing on the sea and on the land.” So I went to the angel and told him to give me the little scroll; and he said to me. “Take it and eat; it will be bitter to your stomach, but sweet as honey in your mouth.” And I took the little scroll from the hand of the angel and ate it; it was sweet as honey in my mouth, but when I had eaten it my stomach was made bitter. And I was told, “You must again prophesy about many peoples and nations and tongues and kings.”

POSTED BY JOHN THE EVANGELIST AT YOM SHLISI, SIMANU, 96
LABELS: ANGELS, VISION
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16 Comments:

Bardus Skepticus said

You keep claiming these are “visions from God”, but where’s your proof? You could be just experiencing hallucinations that anybody who’s been exiled on an island would probably have.

YOM SHLISI, SIMANU 96 8:15 AM

Polycarp said

“…a lightning strike fried my modem…”

John – get yourself a surge protector.

YOM SHLISI, SIMANU 96 8:49 AM

Magnus Bopperitus said

OK, let me get this straight. This angel comes out of the sky, it’s legs made of fire, and it stands with one foot in the water, but his fire leg doesn’t go out? That makes no sense at all.

YOM SHLISI, SIMANU 96 9:23 AM

Flavius Flava Flave said

“That makes no sense at all.”

Well, whaddya expect? These are the same people who claim that a Nazarene carpenter was raised from the dead. They claim he ‘multiplied’ some bread and fish, too, but everyone knows that the crowds brought their own food. Reason and logic will never get through their thick heads.

YOM SHLISI, SIMANU 96 9:58 AM

Papias of Hierapolis said

Magnus, these are visions. A gift from God. They are similar to dreams in that they must be interpreted in order to be better understood. Before succumbing to doubt and derision, I counsel that we wait until John’s visions cease before we try to interpret them.

YOM SHLISI, SIMANU 96 10:19 AM

Anonymous said

Well, I was interested in these visions up until a couple weeks ago where John said he saw seven angels blowing trumpets, and there were flaming mountains falling from the sky and fire and brimstone, and then a bunch of the horses blew sulfur and smoke out their nostrils, killing a third of humanity…combine that with the seven seals business, and I’m chalking this up as more hackneyed apocalyptic literature that’s all the rage these days. Yawn.

YOM SHLISI, SIMANU 96 10:43 AM

Polycarp said

Papias, don’t feed the trolls, man.

YOM SHLISI, SIMANU 96 11:08 AM

Justinian said

IMHO, I don’t think it’s prudent to follow any apparition or locution that hasn’t been approved by someone in authority.

YOM SHLISI, SIMANU 96 11:35 AM

John the Evangelist said

I’ll try to respond to your comments.

Bardus – we’ve had this discussion before. Visions are different than hallucinations, in that hallucinations are typically accepted by the subject as being reality, whereby I know that these visions are not reality, but signs and wonders revealed to me by God, either as allegorical or representations of some future, unknown event. These visions are not for my benefit, but I believe they are for the benefit of others, for the benefit of those who believe.

Polycarp – did that. When the modem got replaced, the tech threw in a surge protector. And your advice to Papias is most wise.

Flavius – no miracle of the multiplication of loaves and fishes? What, were you there??? If that miracle was false, along with the claim of Jesus’ resurrection, along with all the other miracles that have been recorded, would I then be willingly exiled…for a bunch of lies? Give it some thought – apply some of that reason and logic.

Justinian – the apostle Paul said to test all things, and retain what is true. As one who knew Jesus personally, and cared for His mother, is not my word a sufficient test? Still, your difficulty in accepting my visions does not indicate a weakness in faith on your part, only a pure willingness to submit to proper authority. Perhaps some day in the future, through the guidance of the Holy Spirit, these words I speak and visions I witness will be as authoritative as the Torah itself. But that would be God’s will, not mine.

YOM SHLISI, SIMANU 96 12:03 PM

Bardus Skepticus said

As I pointed out on a previous post, the crucial thing your story is lacking is a control group. Without a control group, there’s no way to prove you’re having visions (fine – I’ll use your word if it makes you happy) and not just making stuff up.

YOM SHLISI, SIMANU 96 12:21 PM

John the Evangelist said...

“…your story is lacking is a control group.”

And just how many followers of The Way are exiled on islands, exactly?

YOM SHLISI, SIMANU 96 12:42 PM

Anonymous said

Keep up the good work, John. We’re praying for you here in Ephesus!

YOM SHLISI, SIMANU 96 1:12 PM

Simeon of Smyrna said

I bet some people 2000 years from now will take all these visions literally…

YOM SHLISI, SIMANU 96 1:43 PM

Polycarp said

Flavius Flava Flave – I’ve known John for many years. I have never known him to lie about anything.

Simeon – LOL! That is if Jesus doesn’t triumphantly return by then!

YOM SHLISI, SIMANU 96 1:58 PM

Demetrius said

I love your site – adding it to my blogroll.

YOM SHLISI, SIMANU 96 2:21 PM

Just Another Happy Roman Citizen said

I can’t believe the junk you “followers of the Way” believe. This is precisely why the Roman Empire will crush your little religion and rule the world for centuries! Nice knowin’ ya, losers!

YOM SHLISI, SIMANU 96 2:55 PM

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Oh Noes! The Vatican Is Controlling History!!11!1!!

If Dan Brown is the king of Catholic conspiracy theories, with his Da Vinci codes and whatnot, then director Timothy Alberino of “True Legends” documentaries, is the court jester. Have you seen this? Apparently, the Vatican has been suppressing pre-flood historical evidence of…pre-flood history thingies?

Oh, and the Church is preparing humanity for the return of our alien overlords.

From New Proxyie:

Those who control the past control the future and no organization on Earth has a tighter grip on the official history than the Roman Catholic Church.

Timothy Alberino, director and host of the new documentary ‘True Legends: The UnHoly See‘, discusses evidence that the Vatican is behind a vast cover-up of pre-Flood history.

They’ve connected the dots and now present evidence of Vatican’s long plot to cover up the history of the pre-flood world and, at the same time, prepare humanity for the arrival of their space Masters, which will bring in a different gospel.

While recent history has shown the Church is capable of covering up some stuff (coughSexAbuseCrisiscough), covering up thousands of years of history – history predating the founding of the Catholic Church, even – well, that’s pretty hilarious, if you ask me.

If you watched his interview at the link, Alberino claimed he has proof the Church has direct ties to the ancient pre-flood Sumerian dynasty. His proof? Brace yourselves, guys, this is huge. Turns out their priests wore fish-shaped head-dresses out of reverence to their fish-god Dagon, and Catholic bishops’ mitres are kinda fish-shaped. I KNOW!!

Episcopalians wear mitres too, by the way. As well as the Anglicans. Hey, you know what? Maybe they’re directly linked to the Sumerians too. ‘Pisc’ in Episcopal is just like ‘pisces’, and angler, which you can see in Anglican, is another term for fisherman. Proof, man.

Oh, and a giant man wearing loincloths and wielding a huge club was killed by US Special Forces in 2002 in Kandahar, Afghanistan – 12-15′ tall, over 1000 pounds, lived in a cave. A descendant of the ancient Nephilim, doncha know. 

Anywho, if you want a laugh and decide to watch the interview, you’ll notice it was filmed prior to the 2016 election, and Alberino predicted Hillary was going to win the presidency. Seems like he can’t get anything right.

Final Question: If the Vatican is so adept at controlling history, and has such a tight grip and all, how is this guy is still selling his documentaries? You’d think an organization with that much power would have squashed this like a bug. Right?

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Posted in Crazy Conspiracies Make The Best Conspiracies, Humor, What The...? | 1 Comment

SCOTUS Pick Kavanaugh Honored to be Latest in Long Line of Judicial Disappointments

[ACMPress] – WASHINGTON – Justice Brett Kavanaugh, nominated to the US Supreme Court by President Trump on Monday July 9, expressed his gratitude at being the latest in a long line of nominees who will ultimately disappoint just about everybody during his time on the bench, should the Senate confirm him to the highest court in the land.

“It’s an unbelievable honor to be standing upon the shoulders of great justices such as Earl Warren, Sandra Day O’Connor, David Souter, and many others who disappointed nearly the entire nation in one way or another with their rulings and decisions,” he told ACMPress this morning.

“I’m thankful to President Trump for giving me the opportunity to, eventually without a doubt, give him reasons to wonder why he ever nominated me,” he added, “as well as strike fear and anxiety in the hearts of conservatives and the Republican establishment. And it’s a privilege to be given the chance to rankle Senators Schumer, Durbin, and Feinstein and the entire liberal establishment with sound, originalist decisions. It’s every Supreme Court justice’s dream.”

Organizations of every political stripe and social cause took to the Internet immediately following Kavanaugh’s nomination to strongly express their opinions, ranging from praise and adulation, to abject fear and horror that civilization was surely about to end. Sometimes those stark differences even crossed party lines.

“Knowing I will cause arguments and divides among the millions of US Constitution experts on Reddit, Twitter, and Facebook is, quite simply, the highest of honors any man could hope to achieve,” he said. “But that’s how one carries on this great American tradition of bipartisan jurisprudence.”

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How We Got Liturgical Abuses and Ugly Churches

Puts it in perspective, doesn’t it? Can’t you imagine Dan Schuette wearing that brown and tan ensemble in the upper left corner while composing “Sing a New Song”? That quartet on the right – they’re your Folk Mass Worship Commission. And that trio in the bottom left corner – they’ve got groovy plans to throw a “home Mass” at their swingin’ bachelor pad next Saturday night. While playing Twister.

Any of you remember the blog Bad Vestments? Proof enough that bad fashion leads to bad liturgy. A person can’t do anything well dressed like a skein of yarn or wearing an adult-sized onesie. I have to believe no polyester pantsuits or long knit woolen sweaters exist in heaven. Not to mention, the 70’s also gave us disco! What other evidence does one need?

Plus, the 70’s (and the 60’s too – let’s give credit where credit’s due) gave us atrocious architecture. When your church looks like a dead upside down mutant tarantula, you gotta wonder what bizarre things occurred inside. I know, I know – it’s a former Episcopal church, but it’s hard to tell the difference between them and the Catholics in a lot of places.

Sadly, the “bad fashion leads to bad worship” idea endures. Watch any video of an LA Religious Education Conference liturgical service, and you’ll see what I mean.

So, thanks a lot, 70’s fashion designers. If you haven’t yet repented of your fashion sins, you risk being forced to wear your awful designs for all eternity, walking an endless runway at a ghoulish fashion show, while Haugen and Haas songs play on a never-ending loop. Out of key. On bagpipes.

Then again, they might like that.

Posted in Catholic, Humor, Meme, Satire, Tongue In Cheek | 1 Comment